A Reminder
by Foreman Grillwalker
Summary: [Finished] L/J. Fluffy, confusing, angsty. It's everything you would ever want in an LJ fic. lol.
1. Default Chapter

Story two.  
A/n: look guys, for all of you who actually read this I must apologize in advance because the first four pages were so much better before they had been ERASED. Devastation ensued and then I regrouped and rewrote it all. I was so disheartened. Anyway, here's the mediocre rewritten crap. Lol. I'm still pissed. Please review it though. Tell me how much it sucked if you want. I won't protest. The original was so much better!! ::Bites hand in rage::  
  
Christmas was a bust. Lily had decided this as she lay on her bed thinking of the day's events. Everything pretty much revolved around Petunia and the fact that her boyfriend of a year had finally proposed. Lily felt she was far too young to marry being only nineteen, but Petunia said she didn't want to set a date this year. At least she would be twenty then. There was a nine year difference between Lily's and her sister's ages. This was quite upsetting to Petunia. Lily was the baby. "Precious Little Lily," was how Petunia had always referred to her sister up until this year. Lily had discovered that she was a witch (all in favor of skipping the long boring recap-everything-even-though-if-you're-reading-this-you-probably-know-the-whole-shpeal stuff? ::raises bitten hand:: good then.). From that point on Lily was henceforth known as "freak" to her sister. Lily's parents didn't seem to care much that she was a witch though. She was still the obvious favorite. This enraged Petunia. Since Lily was the baby and was loved more, Petunia tortured her whenever she could. Now she was expecting her parents to disown Lily and Petunia would take her place as favorite. When this didn't work out she laid the abuse on thickly.   
  
Over the years Lily had been tortured by Petunia and when questioned would promptly tell her parents it was her own fault. They eventually came to the conclusion that Lily was clumsy, what with her many cuts, bruises, burns, etc. After Petunia found she was still not the favorite, she decided Lily wasn't being clumsy enough lately. That's how she ended up with the forearm cast she now sported for another two months. It had been signed by her friends of the magical and muggle persuasion. Her favorite signature was one on the very bottom. It was from her best friend. "Lily, hope it heals fast. -James." Of all the people she had met at Hogwart's James was Lily's closest friend. They had met on the train and since then had been almost inseparable. She squeezed the little teddy bear he had given her for Christmas. It wasn't much, but it was cute. It had a little white Lily embroidered on the front. She smiled at this and her thoughts were suddenly interrupted, by a deafening explosion from somewhere in the house and she was thrown from her bedroom.  
  
Considering her room was on the second floor, she fell pretty far out into the back yard. A bush broke her fall and she sat there, staring at the thing that once was her house. The bush hid her from view so when Petunia rounded the corner looking for someone, anyone who might have survived, she didn't see Lily. "Mom!! Dad!! O god! Someone help me please!!!" she managed between sobs. "Petunia! You ok?" Lily called from the bush. She couldn't exactly move her leg, it was covered by a large piece of debris that had flown from the frame of the house. "Have you seen mum or dad?" Petunia asked frantically. Lily shook her head and Petunia's frightened expression turned into one of anger; livid hatred. "I can't believe this. You survive, but they don't." She ripped Lily off the ground, which hurt her considerably because she was still semi trapped by the large piece of wood. No matter to Petunia though, she just pulled her up. "Help me search for them!" She commanded. They both went through the rubble and ripped pieces up here and there. There came a screech from one side of the yard. Petunia was visibly shaking from fifty feet away. Lily limped over and saw why she had shrieked. Her father was lying underneath some of the roof. He was scorched and a look of pain still painted his face. Right next to him was their mother. She also was scorched and had the same look.   
  
"Why didn't you go instead?" Petunia sobbed as she dropped on her knees. Lily saw something in the rubble, not too far from her parents and limped over to it. It was a little medallion of a skull with a serpent protruding through its mouth. The dark mark. Only the highest in command under Lord Voldemort owned this medallion. They must have dropped it after they had finished. The tears flowed freely from Lily's cheeks and she collapsed with the medallion in her hand as the police showed up.  
  
The next day was a blur for both sisters. Petunia had gone to live with Vernon, her fiancé. She didn't say a word to Lily as she left, but Lily didn't care. It was better that way. Remarkably, Lily's school trunk was fine, it had just been tossed around a bit. All of her school clothes were fine and her books and other supplies were in good condition. Her room was farthest from the blast so her things were still in good shape. Aside from a twisted ankle, she was ok. She would be able to go to school in a week and some days after the funeral services. She didn't want to stay though. She didn't want to see any of the people looking at her with sympathy or, in Petunia's case, anger. She blamed Lily, and Lily partially did too. She decided to write to Dumbledore and ask if she could come back early.  
  
The next day, Lily sat in her dorm. It was empty and she was glad. There was still about a week and a half before everyone came back from holiday. She spent most of the day sleeping, and thinking, looking out her window, and crying. She had never felt the dull, constant ache she was feeling now. It hadn't left since she had found her parents. No one knew she was back early, so no one went looking for her.   
  
She awoke to the sound of the birds outside, chirping to keep warm. There was a letter next to her bed.  
Dear Miss Evans,   
I am so sorry to hear of the unfortunate event that occurred over your holiday. I would like to see you in my office. There are some things I would like to discuss with you.  
  
Sincerely,  
Professor Dumbledore  
  
Lily sighed and got out of bed. She dressed and went out of her room for the first time in 30 hours. There were only two people in the common room. A seventh year and surprisingly enough, James. He looked as tired and empty as she felt. She went over to where he sat and smiled sadly at him. "Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were going home for holidays?" Lily was hoping he would not ask her the same question. "Well, I was at home, I came back early." He was quite choked up for James. Lily sat down, briefly forgetting her own problems, concerned about her friend. "James, are you ok? You don't look so good." She looked at him imploringly. James didn't want to trouble her with his problems, but he couldn't escape her penetrating gaze. "Well, uh, my mum and dad um...were killed a few days ago." James looked away after this. He was on the verge of tears. It was the first time he had said it aloud. It made it all real. Lily just sat there with her mouth shaped like a small "o." "James, I'm so sorry, I don't believe it. I mean..." she trailed off in thought. Both of their parents. Gone. James looked up at her. "What?" Lily gulped. "My house was blown up on Christmas. Both my parents passed on." She stared into space. Now it was James's turn to stare in disbelief. "Wow, Lily, I'm so sorry." He hugged her for a little while before she realized she had to go see Dumbledore. James said he had gotten a similar letter yesterday. "See you at breakfast," she called through the portrait hole and James was left to quietly reflect on what had happened.  
  
"Fizzy Milk," was the password to Dumbledore's office now, so Lily said it and watched as the gargoyle jumped out of the pathway to the stairs. She made her way to the door and before she could knock it opened to reveal the old professor standing behind her. "Ah, Miss Evans, I was expecting you soon. Come sit."  
  
"Why them?" were the first words out of Lily's mouth before she could even stop herself. Dumbledore sat down and calmly explained that it wasn't her fault. That Voldemort had targeted all of the people he foresaw as a problem later on. Lily was lucky to be alive, though it was very unfortunate that her parents passed on. She wasn't the only one who had suffered a loss, as she had previously discovered. Two children, unfortunately were not so fortunate as Lily and had perished with their parents this Christmas. She and James were the only ones who had survived any of the attacks that had taken place during the holidays. They talked for a while longer, and departed amiably. Lily walked down the corridor with her thoughts keeping her company. She must have been a strange sight. Her arm in a cast, scratches healing on her face. Her leg bandaged. Madame Pomfrey had also gone home for the holiday, as Dumbledore had told her he could handle things for a little while. Lily would have to wait to get her ankle fixed. Since she had already had the cast on before she came to school Madame Pomfrey had decided that there was no point in taking it off and braking it again to fix it magically.   
  
She was almost to the house entrance when she bumped into someone. "Terribly sorry, I didn't see you there." She mumbled as she got up and dusted herself off. "You should be." It was Severus Snape. "Filthy mudblood." This last part was mumbled, but someone caught it. "Excuse me? What did you just called her?" It was James. He was angry, to say the least. He walked up to Snape and glared at him, waiting for a response. "James, it doesn't matter. It's fine. Who cares? Let's just go." Try as she might to be heard, Lily was ignored by both boys. " I said, Filthy Mudblood, Potter. If I remember correctly, I wasn't talking to you, so but out." Snape smiled and a bit of oil dripped off his hair (a/n whenever people write Snape, they always describe his hair so that I get the image of literal slime dripping off.). James winced, but answered, "Look, Snape, calling anyone a mudblood, is wrong. The fact that you should call a friend of mine one, involves me almost automatically. I don't want to hear that word come out of your mouth again. Alright?" By now James was advancing on Severus and the latter was slowly backing away. "Potter, I can assure you that your tough-guy act is not going to keep me from speaking the truth. You're lucky I'm late to meet a friend." And with that Snape disappeared around a corner. "Really James, I'm glad you stood up for me and all, but I wish you wouldn't get so worked up. It's just a name. Ever hear the expression, sticks and stones...?" Lily was walking back with James to the portrait hole now. "Yah I know, but still, I hate that kid. I mean, the oil was actually dripping off of his hair. How gross can you get?" They both laughed a little as they entered the common room.   
  
They spent the rest of the holiday venting about their parents to each other and just talking in general. If they were ever close before, it was nothing compared to their relationship after the tragedies. Like Yin and Yang, Abbott and Costello, they were a duo for the rest of the year. They got each other through the hard times and enjoyed the good times together. It was tough at the end of the year when they had to go home.  
  
On the train ride home everyone was quite solemn. Sirius, Remus and James would see each other often, since they lived so close to one another, but Lily had to live with Petunia and her new husband, Vernon in London somewhere. It was going to be a dreary summer. The train came to a stop and everyone piled out. Just as she was grabbing her trunk, Lily heard a voice from behind her. "Hey, Lily, I'll owl you all the time. I know you don't like Petunia, but you'll be able to get through it." James was smiling at her. He didn't know how Petunia treated Lily, and why Lily hated her so much. He then saw Sirius waving him over to his parents, with whom James would me staying and he said goodbye. Soon Remus and even Peter had gone and Lily sat on her trunk, in the rain. Waiting for someone to come and get her.  
  
Approximately four hours later a car pulled up. Out came the horse-faced blonde (we all know too well!!) Lily called Petunia. She instantly picked up her things and scrambled to the car. They made their way back to what would become one of the worst summers of Lily's life.  
  
It was clear to her now, that Petunia blamed Lily, wholeheartedly, for the demise of their beloved parents. Because of this, she had more anger and hatred bottled up in her then Lily had ever seen or experienced. Petunia had increased her torture to full blown abuse. Vernon was indifferent. He didn't care what went on in his house, as long as things appeared normal to the outside. He was away on business trips most of the time anyway. Petunia would keep Lily in her room for days when Vernon went away. She would tie her to her bed and leave her there until the day before Vernon was to come home. He had no idea about the punishment that ensued when he was gone. She would let Lily eat and clean herself the day before Vernon's arrival and she would seem relatively fit when he came home. Nothing so bad as to be questioned. When he was home, Lily ate when they did, was left alone most of the time, unless Petunia had a chore for her. Her favorite thing to make Lily do was to clean and sterilize the pots she would use to make tomato sauce. She would fill them with water and put them on the stove. When they began to boil, Lily was forced to put her hands in and scrub the pan. She had one minute to make the pan clean before Petunia inspected it. If it wasn't clean, or if Lily so much as flinched when she was cleaning, she had to do it again. She came to ignore the burning. Her hands were rough and callused from being scalded so many times. Things were down right miserable in that house. With two weeks left in the summer, she received a letter. It was from James.  
  
Dear Lils,  
I hope you are having a good summer, or at least bearable. Mine's been ok. Sirius says hi, by the way. He talked to his mum and dad and they said you could come stay for the rest of the holiday if you like! Isn't that great? I hope you can. Please reply as soon as possible and let us know when it would be ok to come pick you up.  
Love,  
James  
  
Tears fell from Lily's eyes. She was saved. She would be out of this wretched place soon. She didn't think she would last another week. Over the summer she had dropped fifteen pounds and her bones stuck out oddly. She would be covered in bruises if she hadn't gotten some magical ointments from Madame Pomfrey. Her arm had finally healed, but that just made more work for her to do when she wasn't tied up. Yes that summer was horrid and Lily wanted out.  
  
Dear James,  
There is a God! Come get me as soon as you can. I can't last another moment in this house. My summer was horrible, and that is an understatement. I'll tell you more when I see you.  
Love,   
Lily  
  
She sent the owl out with her reply and dreamt of the time that was to come when she would be out of that place. This didn't last very long. "FREAK! GET DOWN HERE NOW!" A chill went up Lily's spine and she drudged forth, toward her door.  
  
James's reply said that he would come in a day. When she finally told Petunia where she was going, Petunia almost had a fit. She roared at Lily for hours, kicking her around. Telling her not to sneak around and that she wasn't going anywhere. Just around the time Lily was nodding off into unconsciousness, she felt a sharp pain on her stomach. She couldn't tell what was going on, she was far to disoriented and just fell inanimate.  
  
She awoke the next morning tied to her bed, again. It had been a long time since she had wept from this, but today she was supposed to be free. When James came, she knew Petunia would send him home. She tried to move, but the pain on her stomach was too much for her to struggle free. She just lay there, weeping. Suddenly there was a tap on the window. Expecting an owl she looked up and was startled to see James and Sirius. James had a smile on his face until he took in the full scene. He then tried to open the window but it was no use. Sirius pulled out his wand and said an opening charm. The window slid open and both boys came inside. There was blood on the floor from the night before and some on the sheets. They untied her as quickly as they could. Lily tried to sit up but winced in pain. Lifting her dry bloodstained shirt she saw that she had a large bandage basically covering her whole stomach. "What the hell happened?" Sirius finally managed after recovering from the ghastly scene that was quickly unfolding. "Yah, where did you get that?" James complied, pointing at her bandage. "I honestly can't remember. All I can remember before passing out was the unbearable pain on my stomach." Both boys wanted to cry at the sight of her. She was thin and frail and sickly looking. Her hair had blood in it and she had some smeared everywhere. Scratches here and there. She was obviously ready to go. Her things were all neatly placed in a corner of the room, untouched by the disturbing things that had taken place earlier.  
  
"Let's get you out of here." Sirius helped her up and James took her things. He charmed her trunk to be lighter and they were off. Back to Sirius's. No one said anything on the trip there; it was complete silence, from landing until take off. When they did reach his house, though, Sirius took Lily straight to his mother. "Mum, you got to see this." He pushed Lily forward. She lifted her shirt again and tears fell from Mrs. Black's eyes. "O my god. Lily, who did this? Your sister?" A nod was Lily's reply. Mrs. Black shooed the boys away and helped Lily take off the bandage. It stung but when she took it off was when they both gasped. Obviously with something dull, Petunia had carved into her abdomen the word "freak." It was eerily legible. Mrs. Black just looked at Lily and sniffled. She took out her wand and said some words. The red scabs started to fade. "Now, Lily dear, there is going to be a scar for a few years, but it should go away before your even in your fourth year. Don't worry honey, you'll be ok." Even though she didn't know Lily from some girl on the corner, she embraced her as if she were her own child. It felt good.  
  
James and Sirius waited outside, listening to what was audible, worried expressions on their faces. "I had no idea it was that bad. How could someone treat their own flesh and blood that way, honestly." Sirius was starting to get a little angry. "I knew her arm wasn't broken from a fall. I knew she wasn't clumsy. Sirius, we can't let her go back there." Sirius nodded in agreement. Soon, Lily came out of the room with Mrs. Black, half-smiling, because the pain was gone. "No more cuts," she said as she sighed in relief. Mrs. Black left the room to call the magical equivalent to Social Services (couldn't think of anything, sorry), and left the boys to ask their questions.   
  
"How long has this been happening?" James went first.  
  
"Since I was around...five I think. It wasn't too bad up until this summer."  
  
"Were you going to tell anyone?" Sirius now.  
  
"She threatened me daily. Told me she would kill me if I ever told." Lily started to feel tears threatening again and she turned away for a moment. "What did she do to your stomach?" James asked, but both boys were wondering. Lily lifted her shirt slowly until she got to the top of the "f." That ended that conversation.  
  
The next two weeks were spent in recuperation. Lily went to the medi-wizard and had her cuts and newer bruises healed. The hands would have to heal over a period of five visits to him. She didn't care, as long as the rough unfeeling skin would go away. She was fed, clean, groomed, healed and feeling better than she had in weeks. She gained five pounds back instantly and the color had risen in her cheeks again. A few days after the incident occurred, some officials from the Social Services department of the Ministry had come to visit and talk with Lily, Mrs. Black, Sirius and James. Mr. Black was away and wouldn't return in time to see the kids off. The officials took their statements and said that they would get back to them at some time during the year. They went to Diagon Alley and got some new things for school.   
  
Soon they were back in front of the steaming scarlet train. Mrs. Black hugged all of the kids and took Lily aside. "Now, Lily, dear, I know you don't know me very well, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. You can tell me anything. Would you like to stay with us next summer too?" Lily nodded a little and Mrs. Black smiled. "Well, I'm going to talk to those Ministry officials and see if we can arrange it ok? Have fun at school dear." She gave Lily a kiss on the forehead and Lily ran to catch up to the others. They had already found a compartment. She was just about to walk in and take a seat next to James, when a girl a little taller and snootier-looking than Lily walked in and sat in that exact spot. Since it was the only spot there, Lily shrugged. She really didn't feel like fighting with anyone. She started to walk off. "Hey, excuse me, this seat is reserved." Sirius said. "No, that's ok, she can sit there." Peter said as his eyes widened at the overly developed twelve-year-old girl in front of him. "Peter you dolt, shut up. This seat is for Lily. Please get up...whoever you are." James said looking at the girl. "My name is Narcissa Perkins if you don't mind. I am rather comfortable, so I believe I will be staying. I know you mind that much." She said giving James a seductive smile. "James, it's cool, I'll go find some other spot. No big deal. I'll see you at the sorting though." Lily called from the hallway and walked off.   
  
She found the car with the rest of the girls in her dorm and had sat there for a few moments. She then went further down and found an empty car, surprisingly enough. She figured the amount of attacks must have really put a dent into the school population. She sat and read a book of hers for a few hours, until the car door slid open. "Hey, I was looking for you. What's up?" James sat down on the other side, somewhat sprawled out. "Nothing much, just said hi to the girls and came in here and read. How about you and your aggressive new girlfriend?" She winked. James flushed a little. "I know! I mean, honestly, she says she KNOWS I don't mind, not that she THINKS I don't mind. The nerve. Anyway, the conversation was completely downhill from there. What are you reading?" James reached over and read the book title. "Oh, man. What, is that your fourth time reading this?" James joked. "That you know of. Anyway, it's a good book. Leave me alone." She pushed him playfully. At times like this, she would realize how weak she had become over the summer. James didn't even budge when she pushed him. James saw the disappointment that briefly swept across her face. "What's wrong? Thinking about Petunia?" She didn't answer at first. Thinking how she would phrase this. "James, Petunia is my only family. Why does she hate me so much? I know, I shouldn't think like this but, it feels like...there must be a reason, you know? I sometimes think, maybe I am a freak, or there is something wrong with me. Why else would someone hurt their own family so much?" She looked down. She was tired of crying and didn't want it to start again. "I can't believe I just heard you say that. Lily, there is nothing, NOTHING, wrong with you. I can't honestly tell you why Petunia hates you, I'm not her. But I can tell you that you aren't a freak. Petunia does those things because she's a little...unstable. No one should do that to ANYONE, family or not. You can't blame yourself at all for what happened to you." By this time James had crossed to her and was hugging her.   
  
Yet again, the compartment door slid open, and this time Sirius was standing in front of it. "Well, helloooo," he called somewhat excitedly. Remus was behind him and for some reason he looked perturbed. "That's what...five galleons a year...so it looks like you owe me ten galleons Remus, my dear." Grumbling as he counted out the money, he put the ten galleons in Sirius's hand. "What's that for?" James inquired. He secretly knew the answer. "Well, we all placed bets at the beginning of last year. Remus said you guys wouldn't get together at all and I said you would. I, obviously, won." Lily and James both laughed and Lily stated. "Sorry, darling, but James and I are still friends. Looks like Remus gets to keep his money." She smiled. "For the time being..." James said under his breath. The only one who caught it though was Sirius and he smiled. The rest of the ride, and the year for that matter, went along in the same fashion. It was very easy going and fun. Everyone did well that year; even Peter ended the year on a good note. As the summer holiday drew closer, the same dull ache that had been with Lily after her parents had passed on was slowly getting stronger and stronger.  
  
During the last week of school everyone was doing as they pleased since the tests were over and sleeping in seemed to be the latest fad. Lily arose to the beautiful song of a bird outside the window and the sun streaming in. The smell of summer was in the air and it brought a smile to her lips. When she opened her eyes, she found two fairly peculiar things. One; James was sitting on the side of her bed, watching her wake with a smile gently laid upon his features. Two; there was a small, overly excited owl with a letter twice it's size tied to its foot. The owl was hopping around like a madman on the windowsill.   
  
"What are you doing in here? Where's everyone else?" Lily rubbed the sleep from her eyes and blinked repeatedly to clear her vision. "Well, it is eleven and the rest of the girls decided to let you sleep. Don't you want to see who this is from." James's smirk widened. "Um, sure...you must know what's in it. Otherwise you wouldn't be smiling like an idiot." She smiled at this and untied the fidgeting owl. It was no bigger than her hand but was freakishly strong. The owl flew out the window in quite a hurry and Lily opened the letter.  
  
To: Ms. Lily Begonia Evans  
  
James almost peed himself. "BEGONIA? Are you serious?" THUMP! James was suddenly kicked onto the floor. It didn't matter though, tears streamed from his eyes as he ran out of breath from laughing. She continued to read.  
  
From: Department of Muggle/Wizard Relations and  
Department of Social Services Under the Minister of Magic.   
  
Dear Ms Evans,  
Regarding the claim that was processed in your name, the following decision has been made as to the placement of the underage child, Lily Evans. As of Friday September the fifth, one, Mrs. Anna Black, filed for a restraining order under the justification in the Muggle/Wizard bylaws (a/n: I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. If you are an attorney and your reading this, I don't apologize. I revel in the fact that I have no idea about any litigation terminology.) Sect. 443, Art. 25. The aforementioned claim was processed and brought to court. It was then decided that one, Petunia Lotus Evans, is to stay not within one hundred meters of the underage child, Lily Begonia Evans. This is to stay in affect for an allotted period of one year. At the end of this period, a date will be set to review the case and any objections to the Restraining Order will be heard. Thank you for your time.  
  
Cordially,  
Dept. Muggle/Wizard Relations Head  
John Weasley  
  
Being only thirteen, Lily wasn't quite sure of all the terminology. There was another letter underneath that one though. It was from Mrs. Black.  
  
Dear Lily,  
I don't know whether or not you understand any of that so let me put it in simple terms; Petunia can't come near you. She is require, by law, to stay at least 100 meters away from you. We have to go to court in a year to keep this in affect, but for now, you're safe. I'll be picking you up with James and Sirius at King's Cross at the end of the week. I hope you don't mind coming to stay with us. I've written the boys as well and they know you will be staying. See you then.  
  
Sincerely,  
Anna Black  
  
There was the sudden sound of a teardrop splashing onto the paper that broke the silence. James looked up from the paper to find Lily's eyes to be the delta of a steady stream of tears. He smiled slightly and gave her a hug. "She can't hurt you anymore, Lily. It's all over," he whispered to her through her bushy red hair. She smiled, but to her surprise she didn't feel happy. She really did like Mrs. Black, but there was this lingering feeling like she had done something wrong. She mentally shook that feeling away and tried to let it sink in that she wouldn't have to put up with the abuse anymore. Finally, James let go and told Lily to get dressed. "I'll be in the common room," were his last words as he left the second year girls' dorm.   
  
She dressed and went downstairs, thankful that she didn't have to wear those awfully heavy woolen robes. Lily and her friends all spent the day together talking about their summer plans, how they did on their exams and just different topics in general. It was a very lax day, to say the least.   
  
As the sun was coming down and the final rays were making their way through the cotton-ball clouds for one last glorious display, six of the Hogwart's second years were sitting by the lake, watching in awe. Lily sat between James and Sirius with Remus amid two other girls that Lily shared her dorm with. No one spoke; it was a comfortable silence. It didn't last too long though, before long Sirius was leaning in toward Lily and whispered to her, "I'm so glad you're coming to stay with us. I really hope you don't feel like you're imposing because my mum really, really wants you to stay with us. By the way, how's the scar?" She showed him one of the bottom lines so that no one else could quite see. They were fading. They used to be big and pink, outstanding, thick and bumpy lines. Now they were just paling lines of scar tissue. He smiled at her and they both turned back to the gallant array of colors that spilled forth into the sky. This would be there last night at school before they went home for the summer. Home. Lily tilted her head in thought. Did she actually have a place she could call home?  
  
  
  



	2. chapter 2 (I'm so creative)

a/n: hey all, thanks for the great reviews, Wanderer, Black Sparkles, SilverStreak, A Tye, and Jo. I'm glad you like it so far. I can't garauntee that the next parts will be any good, but hey that's what reviews are for. If you like this you might like my other L/J. (lol, plugging my own stuff.) Anyway, on with the show  
  
  
Over the summer, things went as if Lily was part of the family. She and James were treated as if they were long lost brothers and sisters. Sirius was overjoyed about their stay since he was an only child. There was never a dull moment with two of the four marauders around. A lot of times Lily just watched as they got into trouble, or eventually tried to keep them from doing something drastic. It was just what she had wanted though. Hanging out with her two best friends all summer; she really didn't need much more. She didn't know there could be such bliss. She had grown very close to Mrs. Black as well. She almost didn't want to go as school grew nearer. The thought of something happening where she had to live with Petunia crossed her mind though, and she couldn't wait to start school. She would be a third year. She felt older. She looked older. Lily had filled out and now looked like a healthy fifteen-year-old. It was almost as if she was making up for the previous summer's starvation and stunted growth. James and Sirius had grown quite a bit as well. They looked a little bit older than they were as well and Sirius even had a little peach fuzz growing on his chin. (a/n: favorite phrase for sparse facial hair. Lol.) He refused to shave it though, so it just looked like dirt on his chin, which made James and Lily laugh every time they looked at it.  
  
"Back on the train to Hogwart's, yet another year of this dream world that I still don't know if I belong to," Lily pondered in a dreamily state as the rain drizzled down on the compartment windows. She pinched herself lightly and smiled at her own silliness. James who was lying across the compartment with his legs resting comfortably on Lily, caught this smile and gave an amused look. Sirius was talking to Remus about the adventures he and James had gone on that summer. He almost toppled off of the seat as he was trying to explain one in particular since he was quite the animated talker. "What're you smiling about Tiger Lily?" James nudged her softly with his foot. She gave him a fake glare and said, "Nothing," smiling in the same way. She had been discovered and didn't want to tell him about her idiotic thoughts. "No, really, I want to know." James sat up and scooched (a/n: anyone who watches the simpsons. Christopher Walkin. Children, scooch closer, don't make me talk to you about the scooching again.) over toward her more. "James it was nothing, I was just thinking. That's all. I can't even remember what I was thinking." She went back to looking out of the window at the rain. "Come on..." he whined and started to tickle her. She tried to beat him off, but her attempts were in vain.   
  
Sirius stopped in mid-explanation and sat down on the seat he had been standing on and started telling Remus something. "Hey man, I'm telling you, it's gonna be this year." Remus looked over and contemplated it. "Well, I don't know about this year, per say, but I would say within the next couple of years. Maybe by...fifth year." Sirius nodded in agreement.  
  
James had finally gotten Lily to confess while the other two inhabitants of the compartment were discussing their predictions. "Geez, all I was thinking was how unreal all of this still seems to me. I mean, I went most of my life with the belief that magic was not real and none of this ever did, nor would it ever now, exist. Here I am though. It's still hard to grasp. So...I just pinched myself to make sure it wasn't a dream or something." This last sentence was mumbled so that she thought it was incoherent, but apparently James had ears like a dog. "You actually pinched yourself?" He chuckled. "That's funny," Lily shot him a glare, "I mean, um, it's funny, but it's cute." He quickly recovered. "Yah, sure, don't even talk to me," Lily folded her arms and turned toward the window. "Aww, come on, Lily, I'm sorry. Geez," James tried his hardest for a serious expression. It didn't work. A knock came at the door of the compartment and it was (a/n: gee... I wonder, there are only a select group to chose from.... Could it be...) the elderly which with the food cart. (yup! I knew it! Wait... I'm supposed to know anyway. ::bites hand in frustration::)   
  
After the food, the train ride continued somewhat calmly. Sirius was engrossed in a conversation with James while Lily and Remus caught up. It seems that Remus's summer in the states was rather interesting. He went to Salem for quite some time. Even though it was supposed to be an educational trip set up by his parents, he actually did have fun learning about the witch trials. Muggles can be so ignorant. Soon the ride came to an end and they all piled out of the train and into a carriage. Sirius and James were still speaking rather softly so as not to be heard by the others, or just so that they would take the hint. The carriages, they had decided last year, were much nicer than the boats.  
  
In a blur the sorting, welcome feast, and the head boy and girl escorting the students to their houses were done, and all were fast asleep in their beds before you could say lights out. Well, all were sleeping beside Lily. For some reason she couldn't fall asleep. She looked over the faces of the girls she had been sharing a room with for two years. This would be their third. She got up and went down to the common room. She couldn't pin what was bugging her. She wasn't sick, she didn't forget to pack anything, yet she had this constant feeling of disappointment. She sat down before the fire and contemplated this. Soon someone plopped down next to her.   
  
"Hey, why are you up?" Lily asked as Sirius yawned a little scratching his head.  
  
"I dunno, I guess I'm just not used to Peter's snoring like an elephant. I got used to the peacefulness back home. That and Jamie-boy is talking a little louder than usual in his sleep." With that he gave Lily a wink and nudged her. "What the hell are you winking for you weirdo?" Lily gave him a confused look. "Hello?" he said as he tapped on her head. "Obviously you're in his dreams." He grinned at her. "Sirius, I'm pretty sure you're in his dreams too. We are his best friends after all." He shook his head, "Well, what I hear after my name is quite different from what I hear after he says yours. Anyway, let me ask you a question." His face sobered completely.   
  
"What?" Lily answered. "Do you like James? I mean, I know everyone always say you guys like each other and that you go out and all of that, but we are always making fun of you. I'm being completely serious right now. As one of your best friends, Lily, do you like him, even just a little bit?" Sirius squinted and put up his fingers to show his idea of a little bit. "Well, to be completely honest, I'm thirteen, Sirius, and the feelings and emotions I have now won't be the same as they are say two or three years from now." Lily quickly thought that would be a nice way to evade the question. Sirius wasn't as confused or ponderous as she had hoped though. "So wait, do you mean to tell me that you do like him?" She blushed a little and took her time to respond. "Well...I guess what I'm saying...is that maybe, possibly, that could be true." A grin exploded across Sirius's face, but she continued more quickly. "Sirius, as my best friend I'm trusting you not to tell anyone. No one. Understand? Please respect the fact that I don't want a soul to know about this. Especially not James. Ok? Pinky swear on it." She held out her hand to his and they locked pinkies. He nodded and they talked about other things. After a while they both fell asleep where they were. Lily woke up a few hours later, as the sun was just rising and she put a blanket over Sirius and went up to her dorm.   
  
The disappointment was forgotten that night as well as for most of the year. It came back in May though. There was many a sleepless night for her that month. This would prove to be foreshadowing the letter she received the day before her exams were to begin. It was from the courts. It said that she was to appear in a muggle court under the guardianship of Mrs. Black in two weeks. It was a custody dispute and Petunia was protesting the restraining order that was soon to be up for review. Two weeks. She was scared. What would happen to her? She didn't want to live with Petunia, but to see her again, she wouldn't be able to tell anyone the things that Petunia did to her. She also felt like she was betraying the only family she had left.   
  
This didn't help her during her exams and she only passed with the equivalent of B's. Remus, being the most studious of the group took this as a sign for something. "Lily, what's up? Usually you fly through the exams with ease and come out on top." She gave him a bogus answer that went something along the lines that she didn't study and they were harder than she had thought. Then she was up in her dorm most of the night.   
  
When her dorm-mates came in to go to sleep, she pretended to already be so. This kept them from asking any questions. About an hour later they had all fallen asleep and Lily was sitting up again. She suddenly realized that she hadn't eaten since this morning and her stomach was beating her other organs up. She stole down the stairs from the girls' dorms and over to the boys. She went into the third year boys' dorm room. They were all asleep. She opened James's trunk and took his invisibility cloak. She threw it on and went down to the kitchen. She sat talking to the house-elves for a good amount of time. When she had finally finished her food, she made her way back up through the castle. Instead of going to her dorm though, she decided to head up to the astrology tower.   
  
Lily sprawled out on the floor of one of the observation decks. It was about seventy degrees out and a sweet breeze whispered to her as it crossed her face. In two more days she would be in court, in front of Petunia, in front of loads of people, telling her stories of humiliation to them all. Could she really do this? The summer air combined with the softly twinkling skies was a deadly combination and she eventually fell asleep.  
  
She didn't wake up until the sun was brightly shining down on her making her hair lighter by the minute. Lily sat up and jumped. James and Sirius were asleep next to her. They too were sprawled out on the ground their face plastered with similar, content smiles. She poked at both of them but only Sirius woke up. James only replied, "No, I don't want to go to work today. I'll just tell them I'm sick." Sirius and Lily both laughed quietly.   
  
"Lily, when you decide to nick James's cloak, make sure that you shut the trunk before you leave. I got up around two to go to the bathroom and saw it lying there, wide open. The door was open too. You really wouldn't make a good marauder. Anyway, I figured it could've been Snape, you know how he found out about that. So I woke James up and we went to get you, but low and behold, we had found our culprit. So we spent the rest of the night looking for you." Sirius was interrupted by James talking in his sleep again. "Awe, Tiger Lily, that's great. I can't believe I'm gonna be a father." Lily blushed heartily and Sirius just laughed. "What did I tell you Lily? Every night it's the same thing. Tiger Lily this and Tiger Lily that. What the heck does he call you that for anyway?" Sirius asked. Lily smiled a little bit, "Well, I told him how, when I was little I used to love this muggle book and movie, Peter Pan. So he got the book from the library one night and read it. One of the characters' names is Tiger Lily." She looked at James who was now sucking his thumb lightly. "Just think Lil, you get to look forward to waking up to that every day for the rest of your life." Sirius said with a grin. He was promptly punched in the arm by Lily. His yelp woke James up though and all talk of the sort stopped.  
  
"Hey there, feel like telling me why you took my cloak and came up here last night?" James asked through a yawn. "Well, I originally took it because I woke up in the middle of the night and I was completely starving. I went down to the kitchen and got some food. When I finished I came up here because it was so nice out and it was still very humid in the dorm." She looked at them both; hoping they would just accept it and the three could go down for lunch or something. "O yah, I would think you were kind of hungry since you hadn't eaten since breakfast. Why is that Lily? Is there something you're not telling us?" Sirius looked at her meaningfully. "Well, I got a letter from the ministry about two weeks ago. It said that I was to appear in court with your mum, Sirius. It said that your mum wants to fight for sole custody over me. Is that true?" He smiled sadly and nodded. "Well, I don't think Petunia will allow it. I know it's not really her decision, but she always has ways of making things go terribly wrong. I'm scared guys. I really don't want to have to go home with Petunia this summer." She looked down at her hands. They were soft, pale; she could feel again. She wondered if that would last.   
  
"When are you going to court?" James asked. "Tomorrow. I guess, I forgot to tell you. You know with the exams and all." They all became very solemn. "Look, Lily, you know that we're here for you and blah, blah, blah. Right? I mean, I don't want to get all mushy or anything, but we're behind you every step. Right James?" Sirius glanced over to a nodding James. Lily smiled and decided to change the subject. "Thanks guys, if you're really behind me every step then I guess you'll be following me down to the dorms to get changed. This is my last day of freedom. I don't want it being spent up here doing nothing." She grabbed the cloak, threw it over them and they made their way down to the Gryffindor house. They changed and went down to lunch. Remus and Peter were there and as soon as they caught sight of their missing friends, they made their way over to greet them and ask them where they had been.   
  
"What's wrong with you guys? No note, no 'Remus we're going out.' I would've been mad when you woke me up but I wouldn't have worried all morn-" He stopped himself in mid-sentence, realizing that he sounded like his mother almost exactly. He then tried to play it cool, "Hey, man, that was totally uncool." Everyone laughed at him. "Sorry mom, Remus, hippie, whoever you are." Sirius said in-between laughs. Peter then began with how he had worried, during which time Remus moved in on Lily asking her where she had been. Peter never even acknowledged Lily. He always had resented the fact that she was closer to his three best friends than he, himself was.   
  
They all ate and spent the rest of the day playing quidditch on the pitch. It was pretty much the perfect day if you didn't considered Lily's court session the next day. She was to leave for Mrs. Black's house at eight. The hour came all too quickly. The friends sat around the fire in the common room talking about Remus's mini-adventure with his broom. They all laughed at the thought of Remus being dragged around by the tails of his cloak that was attached to his Shooting Star. Suddenly Mrs. Black popped out of the fireplace covered in soot. She stood up, dusted herself off, and smiled over at Lily. It was time. She got up and sighed. This was it. This decided whom she was going to live with for the next four years. Sirius got up and gave her a hug. "Lil, don't be scared to tell them anything that happened. She can't hurt you anymore. You don't owe her anything," he whispered to her so that no one could hear his serious tone. It was like a scene from the Wizard of Oz. They all stood in a row waiting to say something to her that was special only from the person who said it. Next came Tin-man. Remus hugged her and said, "Before you know it, it'll be all over and you can come back to school and be happy and help me with my studies ok?" She smiled at him as he backed up again. "Lily, can I talk to you outside for a second?" It was scarecrow-the one she would miss most of all. She and James walked into the hall before the girls' dorms.  
  
"Wish me luck," Lily said nervously. For some reason James looked just as nervous. "Lily, you know how you said that...Petunia makes you feel like...there has to be something wrong with you?" She nodded. "For God's sake, don't think that tomorrow. Don't think it ever. There is nothing wrong with you. I have faith that you will tell the truth tomorrow. I know you want to protect Petunia, but she needs help. This is probably the only way she'll be able to get it. You can't go back there. I hate to think of that even being an option." He looked down. He was pale, scared-looking, worried. She smiled at his over-protective state. "James, I'm going to try to do my best tomorrow. I haven't seen her in over a year. It's going to be hard, but I know you guys are here. I'm thankful for that. Ana's calling me." She walked over toward the fireplace and James followed suit. She said goodbye to everyone and turned to give James a hug before she left. He squeezed her tightly and whispered, "I love you Tiger-Lily." When she let go she just stared at him. Mrs. Black took her arm gently and off they went, into the glowing green flames of the fire.  
  
"Geez, man, what did you say to her?" Remus asked looking at James suspiciously. Sirius knew. He just smiled as he disappeared off to the boys' dorms. "I just told her that we were all here for her and blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna go take a shower." And with that James went up to the boys' dorms as well. "Hey, so you finally told her huh?" was Sirius's greeting as he stood in the doorway awaiting his friend's arrival. "Told her what?" James was trying to play innocent but it was way past that with Sirius. "O I don't know, that you're head-over-heels for her. That you couldn't breathe if she wasn't with you." Sirius's whole face turned into a grin. "Sirius, shut up. This isn't the time to crack jokes. Lily's future lies in what she says tomorrow." James was trying to get off the subject. "Who's kidding? I crack no jokes at this moment, buddy. You told her. I know. I could tell by the way her expression changed from worried and grim to a brightened shock."   
  
James sighed, "I was just trying to give her a little confidence before she left. She's going to be there with only your mom on her side, and then there would be her only sister, the only family she has left, and she has to testify against her." Sirius exploded, "Ha! So you did tell her? O man, James, that's so great!" He patted his buddy on the back and James tried to explain. "See, I meant it like, we all love her. You and I and Remus and...wait, I don't really think Peter does. But anyway, I just didn't want her to feel alone tomorrow." He was blushing considerably which just gave Sirius ammo. Surprisingly enough though, he didn't use this ammo, Sirius only commented with, "Sure..." and a sly grin and went into the showers.  
  
That night, was the most restive night Lily had ever experienced. She had never had so many nightmares in one night, even when she had lived with Petunia. The next three days proved to be some of the most trying for her as well. Though the motions of the trial were quite boring Lily had knots in her stomach from morning until the end of the day. Petunia was so close. She didn't even have to walk five feet and she would be able to hit Lily. She would be able to do horrible things to her.  
  



	3. chapter 3 (the trial?)

a/n: I'm glad I'm getting a positive response to this! It makes me so happy that at least some people like the way i write. lol. Anyway, this is the last part I have for the time being. I need to write some more over the weekend, and probably tomorrow as well, but don't expect a chapter to be posted every night. Thanks to potters chik, Myrddin Emrys, Gwen Sanderson, Black Sparkles (again :O), A Tye (again :O), and Dani for reviewing the second part. I really appreciate the reviews. It's a morale booster.  
  
  
The three days of the trial dragged as slowly as if it were three days straight of history of magic. Soon, the verdict was reached though and Lily stood, with Mrs. Black and her attorney across from Petunia, Vernon and their lawyer. The jurors returned and everyone sat down. The foreperson handed the verdict to the judge. She then proceeded to read it and hand it back. (a/n: trying to make this as slow as possible, like it would really feel. Lol) "Mr. Foreperson, have you reached a verdict?" the judge spat out mechanically. "We have your honor. In the matter of the state versus Petunia Dursley, on the charges of child abuse and assault and battery on a minor (a/n: again, pulling this out of my a$$) we the jury, find the defendant, Petunia Lotus Evans Dursley, guilty. We have sentenced her to five years in a medium security prison with psychiatric supervision. On the matter of the placement of the plaintiff, (a/n: yah, I know they would be two separate trials, but you know what? I don't feel like putting poor Lily through another one!) we find that the newly appointed guardian of Lily Begonia Evans shall from this point on until said child's eighteenth birthday, be Mrs. Ana Lee Black." The foreperson sat down and the judge then dismissed everyone. Could it be? Was it really that easy? Lily was truly…free?   
  
After the hugging and handshakes, Lily and Mrs. Black turned to leave. As she did, she caught Petunia's eye as the bailiff escorted her in handcuffs. Lily wasn't free. She would have to live with this for the rest of her life. As if Petunia had been reading her mind, she called out from behind the bailiff, "I hope you're happy Precious Little Freak! Look what you've done. I can't believe you would do that to your own sister!" She was sobbing uncontrollably as they took her away. Lily couldn't move, and she couldn't breathe. She was grounded to her spot on the floor. What had she done?  
  
They got back to the Black home a short while later, Lily in a daze, Mrs. Black chattering happily about the new life Lily was soon to partake in. "Lily, dear, are you alright? You haven't said a word since we left the court room." Mrs. Black looked over to find Lily's face tear stained. "I can't believe I just did that to my only family. I just locked her up. What the hell is wrong with me?" She cried intensely into Ana's shoulder. Mrs. Black spent the rest of the night explaining to Lily that while she was at school, Petunia had been visited by a few court psychiatrists and psychologists. They had also taken her into custody for a month so they could observe her for a prolonged period of time. They thought she might be bipolar, or even psychoneurotic. She was, nonetheless, decidedly unfit to care for anyone, much less herself. The fact that she blamed Lily for the demise of their parents just gave Petunia more reason to concentrate her neurosis on Lily (a/n: I'm trying to be all cool cuz I took psych last year and I want to see how much I can remember.). Lily didn't know any of this. Though it brought into perspective just how sick Petunia was, Lily still felt like she shouldn't have done that to her.  
  
The rest of the week before the boys came home was finished with Mrs. Black and Lily spending all day, everyday together. Sometimes shopping (it had been a while since Lily had bought any decent clothes for herself. She always wore her robes so dressing wasn't really a problem.). She got some dresses that made her 14-year-old self look like a sixteen-year-old. They went to a muggle play, cleaned the house, and sometimes even just stayed at home, talking for hours about what had happened, or how either one of them felt. Ana was a different kind of mother in that she didn't treat Lily like a child. Ana acted more like a teenager than Lily did sometimes and Lily loved it. Mrs. Black was young, granted, but she was far too old to say some of the things she did. She and Lily discussed boys, rock stars, and movie stars. She was more like the sister Petunia never was.  
  
The boys came home and summer was officially started. They all got off the train and ran to give Lily a group hug. All shouting at once, Lily caught, "We heard! Congratulations!" and "Lily isn't that great? It's like I've got a new sister! This is going to be the best summer. No worries right?" Good old Sirius. It was going to be a good summer.  
  
Remus ended up staying with them for three weeks that summer. It was the quickest time to ever have past in all of the friends' lives. They had fun, with most of the marauders present (a/n: yup, I'm one of those authors who just hates Peter. Can't help it. He doesn't matter anyway!) the mischief and mayhem was increased by threefold. (a/n: well, I guess Peter does matter, I mean, obviously, but I mean he doesn't play that much of a role in my story!) Lily liked having Remus around because it gave her someone to talk to while Sirius and James were being a little too stupid, and because he didn't make fun of her when she did her summer holiday's homework. When he finally left, there was a definite damper in the moods of the remaining children. They continued to enjoy their summer though. July came and went, then August and soon they were back at Diagon Alley, and then even sooner at the Hogwart's Express. Ana kissed all of the kids goodbye and they went back. Nothing of what James had said to Lily before the trial was ever mentioned that summer.   
  
"Fourth years," Lily sighed as she looked out the window of the train. Sirius smiled, "I know, we are at the halfway mark. We are almost halfway done with school." Remus came into the compartment, with a look of satisfactorial glee on his face. "Guess who just got the largest, hairiest, ugliest spider in her shirt?" He snickered. No one had to ask. Ever since the second year train-ride, Remus had a vendetta against Narcissa Perkins. She had said some not so pleasant things about him and the others of the group. Remus didn't like her in particular, so things just escalated. He sat down next to James, who was writing diligently as the train bumped along. "Whatcha writing there James? Last minute potions homework? Charms?" James looked up, "Uh, yah. I…forgot to do it." Lily was quick to correct him in this. "No, James, I remember I helped you with your charms. And you did your potions while I was doing my arithromency. So what are you writing?" She smiled, triumphant that she could remember. "Oh, looks like she got you there, Jay." Sirius commented. "It's just some homework I forgot about." He answered quickly and went back to his work without another word. The group passed the time with games of exploding snap. When James had finished whatever it was he was writing, he joined in as well.  
  
The sorting took place, and so the feast was to commence, but this year, Professor Dumbledore's speech was a little bit different than it was the previous three years that they had been there. "…also, I would like to add this. Fourth, fifth, and sixth years will be given a long-term project to complete by the end of the year. You have from the date it is given to you until the day before your exams start to finish it. It will count for a fifth of your grade. You will do these projects in pairs. Your partners will be assigned to you. If you fail to complete the project or produce any work on it, you will fail for the year. The ministry wanted to see how this would work out. Just think of it as…added pressure." Dumbledore laughed jovially and sat down. The food was hardly touched as everyone talked about the project.  
  
The next day at breakfast, McGonagall informed everyone that the pairing was to take place right then. "Ok, here's how it's going to work. When I call your name, come up to the teachers' table, where I am sitting right now, and wait for your partner. I will then give you your topics and you may sit again. Aslan, Aiden (a/n: If you read the other L/J then you would remember both of these names. There's a long story behind the Aslan part and Aiden is just my favorite boy's name.)" She called out, and a tall, regal-looking young man of seventeen stood up from one end of the Gryffindor table. He confidently strode over to where McGonagall was sitting and waited patiently for his partner, Mark Salazar, a Ravenclaw fifth year that, compared to Aiden, didn't look so confident. This continued for a while. Eventually Sirius was paired with a Hufflepuff sixth year girl, whom he found quite attractive. James was paired with none other than his archenemy Severus Snape. He told Lily that they had to have picked the pairs purposefully. Remus got (a/n: of course he did!) paired with Narcissa Perkins. Lily, on the other hand, was paired with someone she had never even met before. He was a Ravenclaw fifth year. He was smart, funny, and a chaser for his house team. His name was Ludo Bagman (a/n: yah, I know, he's probably a Gryffindor and I have his position on the team all wrong, but I don't feel like checking right now so, sorry.). Lily and Ludo made plans to talk about their project, which just so happened to be Charms: Uses, Misuses and Those in Development, later on that night in the Library after dinner.  
  
Days and weeks flew by and Lily and Ludo worked diligently on their project until they had finished only two months after they had received it. Since both of them were best in charms, they were able to write a full, in depth report, set up a speech for presentation, along with demonstrations, and they had charts of statistics of what charms were misused by how many wizards and witches each year. There was nothing more they could do really, so they just ended up hanging out with each other until Christmas vacation. Ludo was going home that year, and even though Sirius was, and he offered for Lily to come too, she was staying. The only people left during the holiday in Gryffindor were Lily, James, and a seventh year named Arabella. As the dark lord grew stronger, less and less people wanted to be away from their families.  
  
Christmas vacation was slow. It was slower than any other holiday Lily had ever experienced. Everyday for ten days out of the holiday, she and James would wake up and walk the grounds until lunch. After which they would go to the library or skulk around in the invisibility cloak into restricted areas. James had at one time informed Lily that he and Snape had finished their project in three days. "We had decided to set our differences aside for three days and just work. No interruptions, no names, no pranks. Just work. So we did. We ended up staying up for seventy-two hours straight, but otherwise, I would be moping around because our project wasn't done yet." He smiled at his resolution. She applauded him, truly amazed that he would be able to spend that much time with Snape, alone, without killing him. "Speaking of parnters, I haven't seen much of you lately, now that you're always working with Ludo." James' voice faltered a little. It hurt him that they were such close friends now, but he tried not to admit it to himself. "Well, we actually finished…about a month ago. We have just been hanging around since then." James's heart sank, but he didn't let it show. "Oh," was all he said as they continued through the castle, covered by the cloak.   
  
Christmas day arrived finally, and Lily awoke to find that the floor around her bed was covered in presents. An array of wrapping paper stared up at her, reflecting into her emerald eyes. She jumped over the piles and raced in to the boys' dorm to wake up James. He wasn't there. She went to the Great Hall, still in her pajamas. He wasn't there. She decided to go change before she tried anywhere else. When she reached her room, she found him sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed. "Hey, you weren't here earlier. You weren't in your dorm either. How..?" Lily stared at him, puzzled. He just smiled and answered, "Well, we must've just missed each other then. Did you open any of your presents yet?" Obviously she hadn't but this turned her attention to the big piles around her bed. James had brought his and they both started in on them.   
  
Lily got one from Sirius and Remus, a ton from Ana, and even one from Ludo. He had given her a teddy bear with Ludo embroidered on the front in a heart. "Well, he's terribly arrogant now isn't he." She chuckled as she tossed it on her bed. James laughed a little but said nothing. James had gotten her a very special edition of Peter Pan. She loved it (of course!) and she had given him a case for his glasses and something else. Amazingly enough, she was able to hide from him the fact that she had saved all of the money she earned over the past summer to buy him the newest model of brooms, The Astral Car. (a/n: I know, crappy name for a broom but it's from one of my favorite songs so I had to!)   
  
There was one package left at the end of Lily's pile. James had gone to get dressed when she was halfway through her presents because he had finished a bit before Lily did. It was small and golden. She opened it and found a beautiful figurine of a girl that looked very much like Lily. She was tall with long, bushy hair. The color wasn't distinguished because the figure was hand sculpted in clay. The facial features were impeccably similar to that of Lily's. No note, no card, nothing to indicate who sent it. She was admiring it and turning it in her hands when James walked in. "Oh, you like it?" he asked brightly. "I love it. It's so detailed and perfect. Did you make it?" He smiled bashfully. "Yah, I figured I would try my hand at sculpting. I have an art class while you take ancient runes. We started with wax and moved to clay. I made that and a little shoe." She got up and hugged him. "I can't believe it James, you're really good at this. It must've taken you forever. Thank you so much." She stepped away again, looking at the little Lily.   
  
"Lily?" James interrupted. "Mm?" She still didn't look up. "You know what I said to you…before the trial, last year?" At the Lily looked up, right at James. She had wanted to address that. "Yes." James cleared his throat. "Well, I meant it. I really did." He looked at her intensely waiting for any kind of answer. "I know you did," was all she said. There was an awkward moment, (a/n: man I hate those. They have to be the worst moments.) and then Lily told James she had to get dressed and she would meet him down in the common room. James could've kicked himself for saying that. He should've just left things as they were. He had to go and ruin their friendship didn't he? Just as he was in the middle of brooding in front of the common room fire, Lily came down with a pale, doleful expression on her face. "I uh, got a present from Petunia." A tear escaped her eye as she said this and ran all the way down to her chin. She handed James a letter and in the other hand was a small package.  
  
Dear Lily,  
I'm writing to you from an institution. I'm not supposed to tell you what one since I was barely allowed to write you this letter. I just wanted to tell you that, even though you locked me up in here, I'm not mad anymore. I just can't believe you would do this. They wouldn't let me send you a gift, and since there aren't any stores in here anyway, I had Vernon get one for you. It's from me though. Remember that. It's just a reminder (a/n: ha, found a use for the title.) of how cold and black your heart is.  
  
Love Your Only Family,  
Petunia  
  
James took the box from Lily's hand and opened it to find a pig's heart that had been dyed black somehow.  



	4. chapter 4 with more mental fun

A/N: Hi everyone. I'm finally able to log on!!!! Yeay!!! For all of those who have been waiting, here's another chapter. Thanks to Black Sparkles, Aurora, potters chik, and Kayla. Thanks to everyone who reads even if they don't review and I apologize for the wait again. I love you all, you don't know how much this means to me. :)  
  
James looked up to see how Lily was reacting to this. She wasn't there though. She wasn't even in the common room. She didn't go outside, he would have heard the portrait door. He went up to the girls' dorms and knocked quietly on the fourth years' door. No answer. "Lily, it's me. Are you in there?" Nothing. "Lily, I'm coming in ok?" He opened the door. There was no one in the room but the door to the bathroom was closed. He went over to it and knocked on it. "Lily? It's James. Are you in there?" Though there was no actual words spoken, he could hear someone breathing somewhat heavily. "Lily? If this isn't Lily, just let me know and I'll go." No answer, but he heard a thump as if someone had just bumped himself or herself into something. "I'm coming in." He said resolutely, but to his dismay, the door was locked. He took out his wand and unlocked the door. When he opened it he had found what he was looking for, unfortunately.  
  
Lily was leaning against the bathroom counter, shirt pulled up to the top of her abdomen, and she had a knife in one hand. She was scratching the word back in. Blood poured down and stained the top of her pants. Immediately, James struggled with Lily for the knife. Eventually he had it, and she was sitting on the ground crying. He sat down next to her. "Lily, why? O, god, why would you..?" James didn't know exactly what to say. Lily managed in between sobs, "She's right James. How could I have done that to the only family I have left? She's my sister. We have the same parents, the same blood, and I locked her up. What the hell is wrong with me? She knew I was a freak all along." Lily looked down at the blood and became silent. She touched it with two fingers and took her hand up to the light. The crimson liquid glimmered in the artificial yellow that came from the bathroom bulbs. "Lily, Jesus, you don't actually believe any of the horrible stuff you just said do you?" She just looked up at him dispassionately. She looked back down and found that she had cut rather deep. Her whole shirt and most of her pants was soaked to a nice maroon color. "Come on." He said as he picked her up and jotted off to the infirmary.  
  
After Madam Pomfrey had taken care of the physical wounds, she went to go get McGonagall and Dumbledore. This left Lily and James alone reflecting upon the things that just happened. "Lily, why would you ever want to do that to yourself? I know that you feel horrible about Petunia. I could never know what situation you're in right now or how you're feeling, but I don't understand why you would want to do that?" James had his head in his hands and he was...crying? This startled Lily considerably because as long as she had known James he had always been a very nice, gentleperson, but never cried. He looked up. He wanted an answer.  
  
"James, you don't understand how...lonely it is. You feel like you're the only person left on the whole world. My parents die because of what I am. My sister goes to a mental institution because of me. Not only does she hate me now, she has plenty of reasons to. All I've ever wanted from her were some words of encouragement, a smile, a hug. She's my older sister, James. No matter what she did to me, or how she treated me, she's still my sister. I looked up to her, I loved her no matter what." Lily couldn't look James in the face at this. She had been feeling like this since her parents had died, keeping it all bottled up inside, hoping that someday it would just fade away. It never did. It only got so much worse. James got up from his chair and sat on Lily's bedside. She turned from him, her shoulders shaking with sobs. He put his arm around her, "Lily, I had no idea you felt like that. I wish you would tell me these things so maybe I could try to help you." She turned around and he hugged her for a long time. "I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you, Lily. You are not alone. Please, don't feel alone. There are so many people who love you and would walk on fire for you. Please don't feel alone. I know you're thinking, 'well, they may love me but it's not the same.' It's not supposed to be. I wish you would let me know how you're feeling." He squeezed a little tighter and whispered, "I love you so much Lily, please don't feel alone." They broke away and Lily still had tears streaming down her face.   
  
Shortly thereafter, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey arrived, and James was told to leave. He walked outside and back to Gryffindor. He went up to his dorm, into his trunk and spent a good deal of time searching for something...  
  
Lily, in the meantime, was being lectured by McGonagall who looked more scared than angry. When she was through, Dumbledore told her and Poppy that he wanted a word alone with Lily. They left without argument and Dumbledore pulled up a chair. He looked deeply into her eyes, his (a/n:gotta say it) half-moon spectacles almost thwarting the old, blue eyes behind them from twinkling to their full ability. "Would you like to discuss what brought this on?" His warm smile helped to bring Lily's guard down and so she told him everything. From the first time Petunia had ever hit her, up to the black pig's heart. When she finished, she heaved a tremendous sigh and smiled dolefully.  
  
"I think I might know something that will help you deal with these feeling and unresolved emotions. It's called the Internos Psychosis charm. It's really like...a psychiatrist inside your head...only not, I suppose. Well, then, that wasn't very helpful was it? It will help you get through the grieving and the problems with Petunia, but it will never show on the outside. You will be as you always are, the charm works best when you are asleep. It could take anywhere from weeks to months to even years for you to be completely over all of this. I expect it will take you, personally, about 20 days. You're a strong girl. The sorting hat put you in Gryffindor for a reason, you know? The beauty of this charm is that it works around the clock so it's like you're going for months or years and it takes only days or weeks. Would you like this?" Lily thought for a moment, "Yes, I believe I would like to try it. How do you know exactly how many days you suspect it will take me?" Dumbledore smiled knowingly, "Ah, my dear, when you're as old as I am, you come to know things that others wouldn't. Alright, Lily, I want you to lay back on the bed and just relax." She did as told and Dumbledore started to recite the incantation for the Internos Psychosis charm. There was a little tinge of blue light around Lily while he spoke, but it disappeared when he had finished. "Now, Lily, dear, how are you feeling?" Dumbledore queried. "Actually, I feel rather...indifferent, sir. Neither happy nor sad. Thank you." She smiled at him. "I think you'll be alright." He then told her to stay for the next few days to recover from the new wounds. Dumbledore left, and Lily was left there with Madam Pomfrey.   
  
For the next three days, Lily was in the hospital wing. James didn't come to see her once. He was suffering from a bout of depression as it were. He was still devastated about how Lily saw herself. He couldn't believe his perfect Lily would believe anything her terrible sister would say. He was also upset with himself for not seeing any signs. It hurt him that Lily didn't feel James should know how she truly felt. Maybe they weren't as close as he had thought they were...  
  
Soon everyone came back from Christmas Break and Sirius and Remus were told of the events that took place during their absence. They were both shocked. The next weeks went on as if nothing had happened. Weeks eventually turned into months though and Dumbledore's asinine prediction of 20 days proved false. Sometime in May, Lily woke up one morning and she felt completely different. Over the past months she experienced no extreme emotions in order to protect her from herself, but now she smiled as she looked at the birds on her sill. The sun was glorious that day. Everything was as it should be. This must mean the charm was done.  
  
Sure enough, when she went to see Dumbledore he checked (a/n: I don't know how he would check but hey, use your imaginations people. Also, I know that nothing like that could ever happen where someone with serious issues would be completely fine in a few months ::believe me I know:: but I didn't feel like having a depressed Lily through out the story.) Lily could feel the relief and newly gained self-expectance. She could see clearly, that Petunia was in dire need of help. That it wasn't her fault. She was so happy that she didn't have the tremendous weight of her family problems hanging over her head, that she made a very rash decision and practically jumped Dumbledore's desk to give him a hug. He just twinkled merrily and hugged her back. "Sir, I can't ever thank you enough. I feel so much better." He nodded, "O, please, Lily, it's the least I could do for someone who has so much to offer the world. May I make a suggestion? I think you should go find Mr. Potter and have a talk with him."  
  
She took his advice. She looked all over the place for him and based on some information from Sirius (who was completely jubilant to have the old Lily back), James was in the library. She found him in the very last table of the very last section, alone. She sat down with him, but he didn't look up. "James, I need to explain some things to you." This got his attention and he looked up. The rest of the day was spent in thorough explanation of everything that had happened. Hours and hours later, Lily was hoarse when she finally said, "That's it. That's all of it. Everything that happened and everything I can remember thinking. I didn't want you to think that I didn't trust you or that we weren't best friends. I'm so glad to be well again. Well, relatively speaking of course." James just smiled at her. "Thanks for the explanation." He looked over at the clock and it told that it was time for dinner. They were about to go down together when James told her he would catch up. He went back to the common room and up to the boy's dorm. He got what he had been looking for previously, out of his trunk and went up to the owlry.   
  
Later that night after the gang had all caught up and played some chess, Lily was on her way up to bed. She reached her dorm and found an owl, a familiar one, waiting on the sill next to Lily's bed. She untied the parchment from its leg and it took off gracefully. She plopped down on her bed and opened the envelope. She smiled slightly as she began to read it and by the time she had finished she was grinning like the Cheshire cat. It was from James. It was what he had really been writing on the train ride that year.  
  
Dear TigerLily,  
  
I don't know if I'll ever give this to you. It was really just something to do on the way to school. Sirius is giving me a look right now so let me just see if I can get to my point. We hang out a lot don't we? I mean, ever since we started school, we've been really close and after what happened to our parents, we've just grown closer. I guess I just wanted to say was that I hope this never changes. You're one of my favorite people in the world and I don't know what I would do if we weren't friends. The way I see it, there's only one other option besides friendship that I wouldn't mind. Don't worry that wasn't a proposition. Anyway, I don't think I'll ever send this unless I really feel a need to. Just thought I would let you know. Love, James P. S., I wrote this at the beginning of the year. I've always felt it though. I guess I really did feel the need to send it if you're reading this P. S. Please don't feel alone.  
  
If she ever hadn't been sure about her feelings towards James, this helped her to figured them out quickly. It was true, she had liked him for sometime, but the way she looked at it, she didn't want to act on it. She was still so young. It could be a simple fixation or crush and it could just go away. She didn't want to ruin the wonderful friendship the two already had. It seemed as though he felt similarly though. She spent the rest of the time before she drifted off to sleep thinking about him and what the actual consequences could be if she decided to act upon her feelings.   
  
The next few weeks went by in a rush due to the preparation for exams in June and the presentations that were do from the beginning of the year. As usual, Lily and Ludo got a spectacular grade. James and Snape got a B+ only because they couldn't keep from throwing quips at each other while the other spoke. Remus, unfortunately, got a C because Narcissa decided she didn't need to work on her grades. Sirius and his partner did suprisingly well considering most of their "study sessions" ended with hickies and frazzled hair.(a/n: I apologize if the syntax is somewhat different because I had to write a paper a little bit earlier and I tried to sound all extra smart in it, so I can't really tell if the tone has changed at all.) After that night, James and Lily were, again, inseparable. As usual, the group did remarkably well on all of their exams, well...Peter being an exception. The summer holiday was thrown upon them all to quickly. (a/n: I don't know how you all feel about this skipping around that I do. But I find it much easier to leave out the unimportant drawling stuff. I could write it, but then my fic would be significantly longer.)  
  
The summer months went by in a haze, as they usually do when one doesn't want them to end. The golden sun glistened as a daily reminder of how wonderful life can be for Lily. The Internos Psychosis charm worked magnificently and she was so glad for it. This summer, they all went to visit Remus in his home, instead of him coming to Sirius's house. Remus lived on a farm in Whales and the kids all had a blast at his house. It was a nice escape from the dreary events that were taking place more frequently in all of their lives. With Voldemort growing stronger each day, more and more people were dying. 


	5. chapter five (i cant remember what it co...

A/N: omg! Could it be? A double wammie! For everyone who's been waiting patiently here's some more. I love you all.  
  
Yet again, the summer was gone and the group was back on that familiar scarlet steamer back to school. This time...it was different though. They were fifteen, well all except Sirius, whose birthday was in a month. They fit into that group known as "young adults" even if they didn't act like it. They were half way through their teenage years and five years into school. Also, Lily and James were prefects. This was almost expected due to the fact that both of them did so well in school. Lily decided that she wanted to try out for the quidditch team too. She had been playing a lot over the summer and had gotten quite good.   
  
The train pulled into the station and the four were off to find an empty carriage. It was particularly cold and rainy that day. Lily shuddered at the dismal sky. James took this as a sign that she was cold and did the gentlemanly thing of putting his cloak over her shoulders (a/n: it's too bad Hogwart's didn't have letterman sweaters or jackets. It would have been funny). Sirius nudged Lily until she was left with a bruise on her arm where he was continually elbowing it. "Sirius, can I speak with you for a second." They walked away from the carriage to a less crowded area. "What's the matter Lil? I'm ok with you guys." He smirked. "Sirius, we aren't anything more than friends," his face fell. "I know what you're going to say. But he hasn't asked and I'm not going to make a stupid assumption." Sirius rolled his eyes and a grin creeped across his countenance. "Is that all you're waiting for? No problem." And with that, he walked over to the carriage before she could protest.  
  
Sorting was nothing new, but what caught the four of them off guard were two things. One was that Peter was no where to be found. The other was that James and Lily were prefects meaning that they had to show all of the new students where their rooms were and tell them what the password was. This, Lily decided, was a good thing because this way, James would be so busy with his new duties that Sirius wouldn't have any time to talk to him. She didn't know why she dreaded the whole situation. She lay in her bed that night and thought about possible reasons why she would be so scared. After all, it was only James, her best friend since she had started school at Hogwart's.  
  
It was long after everyone had fallen asleep that she decided to go check on the neophytes. She walked through the first year dorms and felt the nostalgia hit her. She remembered having this dorm. She remember being this young. Though it was only a few years ago, she felt like it was a lifetime, only accounted for in dreamlike flashbacks. Over the years, the girls that she had shared dorms with dwindled from five to three. It was an eerie thought that sent a chill right up Lily's back. She closed the door and was about to head to her dorm when she heard voices coming from the common room. Being the nosy girl she was, Lily headed in that direction.  
  
Who else, but Sirius, Remus, and James were sitting around the fire trying to dry off. Obviously, they had just come back from a classic "marauders' adventure." "Hey there, gents. How's the rain tonight? Did you leave any outside?" She joked as she sat down on the other side of the couch. "Aw, Lil, we knew you'd be upset so here." With that, Sirius came at her, dripping with rainwater, and what smelled like, lake-water as well. He gave her a huge hug and she squealed in a vain attempt to stop him. She sat in awe as they explained where they had gone. Obviously it had been quite a trip because up until that point Lily hadn't realized that the only thing coming out of Remus's mouth was "Ah-Aragog. Um, Aragog." This, Sirius assured Lily, would wear off in a little while. He and James went into a long detailed description of the whole experience. The whole story took about two hours to tell, and by the time they were done it was around three in the morning. It was evident that none of the boys would get much sleep. Lily on the other hand, was about to fall asleep in mid-sentence if she didn't get to bed soon. So she started to trudge up the stairs to her dorm when she realized she hadn't said goodnight (a/n: trivial, I know but I needed some kind of set up.). Just as she was about to reach the bottom step she heard something she probably wasn't supposed to.   
  
"Jay, you should've carried her up." It was most definitely Sirius's mocking tone. "Quiet down huh? I'm sure I've had enough of your yammering." A frustrated James. "Um, Aragog. Guys, A-R-A-G-O-G. Big, spidery, Aragoggy." Poor Remus. "Wow, he said something other than Aragog. Anyway Jay, I'm telling you, she's fond of you. Whether or not you choose to believe me is up to you, but the truth is the truth." "I hate to say this Sirius, but with all of the jokes you pull it's hard to tell what is truth anymore. Besides, I've seen no signs. I've even been discouraged. You know last year I told her I meant it when I said I loved her and she just said 'I know you did'. Three times I told her that I loved her, even hinted at the possibility of something like a date or relationship. All of it was snubbed. I don't know how else to explain it to you. She doesn't like me. I have proof, therefore I'm right. Hey, did you hear something."  
  
Lily closed the door behind her. Had she really come off as distant as he had portrayed her? She didn't mean to if she did. The next morning was spent in contemplation. The full moon was soon to come which got Remus thinking about his schedule. Sirius and James were conversing sporadically, each of them after long, thoughtful pauses. Lily was in such a daze that she didn't even notice that the conversation had turned to that of the previous night's. Lack of sleep combined with what she had eavesdropped on kept her in a zombie state most of the day. Work, stare, work, stare. Finally the end of the day approached and she went to take a nap on the common room couch. She would just talk to James later...  
  
She woke up the next morning, very early. If she hadn't been as diligent in her studies as she was, she would have had loads of homework to do at the moment. But she had done it all during and in-between classes giving her plenty of time to change and walk the grounds. She dropped in on a sleeping James. She crept over to his bed. "James," she nudged him gently, but he just snorted a little in his sleep and said something that sounded like kettle. A few more nudges, and he was awake and a bit disgruntled until he saw that it was Lily. "What are you doing up so early. My God, it's only...5:10! Granted, I went to sleep early last night, but I wasn't expecting to get up for another few hours." He continued to rant for a few more minutes as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Now, why did you wake me up?" he finally asked. "You want to come for a walk with me?" she replied with a sweet smile. James agreed and soon the two were out on the grounds, getting soaked from the rain that had carried on through the past couple of days.  
  
The next few months were uneventful. Soon came Christmas. Every single Gryffindor had decided upon going home for the holiday. But as soon as it had come, the holiday had gone and with the blink of an eye, signs of spring were popping up everywhere. It was the beginning of March, Lily's favorite time of year. It could have been the fact that Lily's birthday was during that month that made her like it so much. Either way, it always lifted her spirits. She was soon to be sixteen. Though she did like celebrating her birthday, she liked to do it alone. It was special for her. She didn't think that other people should have to throw her a party or give her presents just to show her that they felt it was special too. Incredulously, every year that she had gone to school at Hogwart's she had found a way to keep her friends from knowing the exact date of her birth without lying to them. This year was a little different though.  
  
Dear James,  
  
It's good to hear from you. I'm fine and so is Mr. Black. (a/n: I cant remember whether or not I killed Mr. Black off, or if I gave him a first name and I'm too lazy to go back and read it. Sorry.) To answer your specific question, Lily's birthday is actually in a few days. The 21st. Thanks for reminding me. I have to send her a gift. Hope to hear from you again before you lot come home.  
  
Love, Ana  
  
"Gotcha now!" James whispered under his breath as he finished reading the letter. "Huh?" Sirius looked up from his Arithromency homework. "Come read this, my friend. Then I will tell you what we need to do."  
  
Sixteen years old-Lily Evans was no longer considered a child. With each year she grew to expect nothing more than her quiet reverie of the miracle that is life. (a/n: if you couldn't tell by now, I made Lily more of an earthy, philosophical person. Lol. If you don't think so then :p) Sixteen complete revolutions of the sun had taken place during her time on earth. It was a marvel to her the way things could actually exist. She sat on a bench almost directly across from where her dorm room was, watching the sunrise. It added to her feelings of respect for life and nature. She was interrupted in her thoughts as someone sat down next to her on the bench. Undoubtedly it was James. They both sat in silence for as long as it took for the whole sun to be seen in the morning sky. After a good fifteen minutes of pure, unadulterated silence, Lily sighed. James leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Happy Birthday." He then handed her a little box, about the size of a shoebox, and a card. She smiled at him wondering how he had found out. Lily opened the card first and read it over and over in her head. It was the one of the sweetest things he had ever written her. Next came the box. It was a little bit larger than a normal shoebox; it was wider. She tore off the paper and started to open it ever so carefully. It was another clay figure. This time it was a bust showing only from the shoulders up. It was incredibly accurate. A much more skilled hand had carved this piece though, that she was sure of. "It's beautiful. I love it." Lily hugged James long and hard. She was holding back some tears as she said, "I love you too, James. I never meant to alienate you. I never meant to hurt you if I did."   
  
If Lily thought the morning of her birthday was as good as it could have ever gotten, she was wrong. The whole of the Gryffindor House had decorated the common room and thrown a party for her late into the night. McGonagall came in to end it, but somehow Sirius had convinced her that you only turn sixteen once and it was a weekend, so she said happy birthday and went back to bed. It was truly one of the best days of Lily's life.   
  
It seemed as though the rest of the year positively flew by. Right after Lily's birthday came April, then May, and soon everyone was stressing over exams. It was all one big routine to her now. She didn't mind it though, because she went through the motions with her best friends. As every routine has, there were always a few minor changes here and there.  
  
"Hey, Lily, looks like there's a letter for you." It was one of the girls Lily shared her dorm with talking. Lily opened her bleary eyes to find the face of an owl staring straight at her. If she had gotten up quickly, they would have crashed heads. She rose slowly and watched the owl back off slowly. Lily grabbed the letter from the softly hooting barn owl and watched it fly away. Uh-oh. 


	6. chapter six (wow, this chapter might be ...

A/N: yes I know!! Another Chapter! This is it for a few though, cuz I have some stuff coming up. Enjoy. Please let me know what you think. I love you all.  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
Guess who? That's right. How are you? I'm all right, considering the circumstances. I'm writing for the specific intent of asking if you'll come visit me this summer. I know that you probably hate me now. I would too. But I would like to say that I have sincerely changed. They have me on medication and going to therapy twice a week. A year ago, I probably would've killed you if I had seen you anywhere, truth be told. But it's different now. I can't say how sorry I really am about all that I've put you through. I can't believe you didn't lock me up earlier. Anyway, I would really like it if you came to see me. I miss you, even if you don't think so. My address is at the bottom of the letter and there's a telephone number too, if you have a phone to use. Whether or not you decide to come, write me regardless of your answer. Thanks for at least reading this.  
  
Love, Petunia  
  
WHAT?? How? When did? Lily couldn't formulate full sentences in her mouth or in her head. What a 180! What a way to wake up! What was she going to say? Did she really feel like going? Was this a trick? Did she really forgive Petunia for all of the horrors she had inflicted on Lily? Next stop, fifth year boys' dorms.   
  
"James?...James! I need you to wake up darling..." she said in her sweetest possible voice. "What is it Tiger-Lily?" Was he still dreaming? "James, I got a letter from...Petunia." If he was sleeping before, he wasn't now. "You did? Are you ok?" He practically shot out of the bed when she had showed him the letter, with good reason too. "Um...what?" was all he could articulate for a few minutes. It was still rather early. "So, do you want to go see her?" James looked at Lily earnestly. "I don't know if I would be able to handle it. I still don't know if this is all some sort of cruel joke." James had a rather logical answer, "So why don't you start out with letter correspondence, and if you feel like it, move it up to telephone calls and then, if you feel up to it, visits. Try gradually." Lily decided this was a wonderful idea and told Petunia so in her first letter.  
  
A few weeks went by with constant letters from Petunia to Lily and vice versa. It was basically full of small talk and polite chatting. The group was on the Hogwart's Express when Lily was reading a letter she had received only moments before leaving. Petunia had, once again, asked Lily to come down and see her. She read it over and over again and each time her expression became more and more depressed. Could she really handle seeing the person who had tortured her and caused her to have the deepest sense of self-loathing anyone could have? It had taken a lot for Lily to forgive herself. She wasn't sure if she would be able to forgive Petunia just yet. She was still bitter. James noticed the looks of sullen concentration. "Hey Tiger-Lily, what's wrong?" he put his head on her shoulder. She smiled and thought to herself, "God, I love James...What? Hold on. I thought we were going to stay away from this whole thing since he never asked? Well, we were, but we can't help it. He's just the greatest. Greatest or not, he hasn't said anything to make us think we have a chance. When did I turn into a WE?" Lily was having a mental conversation when she saw a hand flash before her eyes. "Hello? Tiger? Are we there? Are you ok? What're you thinking about?" Since Lily had known him, James had been one of the only people, beside her dad, to ask her what she was thinking. "Well, Petunia asked me to come see her again. I don't know whether or not I should. I mean, the letters are all well and good, but I don't know if I would be able to look her in the eye. I still feel so much bitterness and anger that I need to work past." James nodded sympathetically as she continued to explain that she was afraid she would turn into the person she was right after Petunia had been taken into custody. She didn't want to go back to that place and she didn't know what would send her back.   
  
James and Lily spent the rest of the train ride talking about the possible outcomes of each scenario and which would be the safest for her. Sirius and Peter got a little rowdy so Lily and James decided to move to another compartment on the train. Hours passed with them probing deeply into each others thoughts, their dreams, their fears, and just feelings in general. Eventually the topic came up. "So Lily, I don't want to sound weird or anything but, Sirius told me something, and I don't think it's true, but I was wondering if it might be." He looked at her almost expecting an answer. "Well, James if you don't ask the question, then I'll never know what to answer." She smiled innocently. Just as James was about to ask who else Sirius, came in. "Hey, there you are, I was looking all over for you. Jay! Did you tell her the great news? Huh?" He looked at James with wide eyes. "Oh," James didn't look as happy though, "uh, Sirius and I got picked for this quidditch training camp. We'll be there all summer." He looked almost reluctant to go. Lily, though sad that she wouldn't see the guys for two months, tried to sound happy for them. "That's great, I told you guys you were great. When are you going? We'll have to have a celebration dinner or something." She smiled, but her eyes showed a hint of sadness. "We leave in about two weeks. So we'll have to make the time we have as a group be special." Sirius winked as he said this. Lily was getting used to the romantic innuendoes by now, but for some odd reason, James blushed. No one noticed, thankfully. The little bit of the ride left was spent with Sirius and James and Lily all conversing over quidditch training camp. The whole conversation beforehand was forgotten, for the time being...  
  
For the next two weeks, Ana, Lily, James, and Sirius were constantly doing family activities (a/n: by now, y'all are probably wondering, what about Mr. Black? Well, the only reason I didn't develop him as a character was because I really didn't feel like having a whole other life to deal with. Lol. I'm lazy) Ana's reasoning behind this was that, the boys would get so tired of seeing the girls over these two weeks that they would be glad to get away from them and not be as homesick. It was like they were tourists. They went to every famous castle, every museum. They went bowling, and fishing, and go-cart racing. Ana beat everyone because she was the only one who had ever driven a car. All of the muggle activities put Lily's mood a little lower because it reminded her of when she and her family used to go do some of these things. She kept up the happy appearance though and decided she would discuss all of this with Ana when the boys left. She hated it when they worried about her.  
  
The last day the boys were there, Ana planned a special dinner for everyone. She told them to wear nice clothes because they were going to a very fancy muggle-Italian restaurant. Afterward, they were to go dancing and then on a boat ride. Ana and Lily loved this idea, but the boys were less than excited to go dancing.   
  
They all ended up at a little ristorante outside of London, called la Villa. It was charming and humble on the outside but very chic inside. Ana informed everyone that this was to keep certain people unaware of its quality. They all were dressed very nicely and only Sirius fidgeted in his dress clothes, this might be due to the fact that James had covered Sirius's shirt in a little itching potion. It was pay back for rear-ending him in the go-carts earlier in the week. The group took a seat in a secluded corner. It was very nice since the rest of the restaurant was swarming with people. Everyone knew it was going to be an oddly sentimental night. Sirius had bet Lily ten sickles that Ana would start crying by the end of the night. She took the bet, not knowing how very well Sirius knew his mother. What else she didn't know was that Sirius had also bet James that Lily would join his mother.  
  
The meal started nicely; the conversation was light and everyone was in relatively good spirits. But as the night progressed, Ana became more and more reminiscent of Sirius when he was a baby. Eventually the conversation became a one sided story of how Ana's only son grew up and didn't need her anymore. Lily owed Sirius ten sickles. Everyone had had a little too much to drink and stories were pouring out left and right. Everyone now knew why Ana called her son fluffs (there was a bunny costume, humiliation ensued, etc.). By the end, Sirius was hugging his mother, or what remained after she had spilled her guts, as she cried heartily on his shoulder. James tried to give some words of comfort but it was a vain attempt.   
  
Lily excused herself to the little terrace at the back of the restaurant that led down to the garden that couldn't be seen from the street. The moon was full, she thought of poor Remus, and where he might be transforming right now. As if transfixed by the eerie glow that pale orb provided, her gaze was steadfast until she felt someone put a hand around her waist. Lily jumped a little but she knew who it was ultimately. "James, dear, you've had too much wine," she said, smiling. She turned around and found two big, (a/n: I can't remember what color I made his eyes. Lol.) brown eyes, staring sweetly at her. "I don't know what you're talking abou' dearest darling Lily." He flashed a charming smiled and she laughed. Lily had gotten quite used to his notably proper pronunciation and it was strange to hear him now. "God, what a wonderful sound. Lily you're laugh is one of the most engaging things about you. I mean to say that there are a million things, but that's one of the things I love most." By this time he was hugging her from behind with his head on her shoulder. "James, darling, how much did you have? Maybe we should go back and get you to sleep. You have to get up rather early in the morning." It's not that Lily didn't want this to happen. She had been wanting it for a long time, but it didn't seem legitimate because he was a little tipsy. He might take it all back later and she couldn't handle that bad a rejection. "O I only had a glass. I never really liked the stuff. It's not for me. I'll tell you what I do like though, the way your hair always smells like strawberry. It's great." He took a big whiff of her flaming mane and sighed. In the meantime, Lily was a little scared. He'd never been that forward, ever and she wasn't used to it. The most probable explanation was the wine. It had to be the wine.   
  
"James, you goof, who do you think you are? Gilderoy? Trying to charm all of the ladies into your good graces?" She laughed playfully but James straightened and turned Lily to face him. "Not all of the ladies. Just you. Lily do you know how long I've been holding this back? I've tried to be subtle, act nonchalant, but that gets me nowhere with you. It's killing me. I need to know do I even have a chance? I mean, you brush my advances off like they are nothing, or as if you don't even notice them sometimes, and then other times you're very receptive and I just need to know if you're leading me on." He looked intensely at her and she didn't know what to say. She now figured that he wasn't drunk. He was direct, but not drunk. "I never meant to make you feel as if you were being led on. I never realized that I did that. Truthfully, James, I always brushed off any subtle advances because I didn't think that's what they were. I'm not good with hints and so forth. So when you thought I was ignoring them, the most likely scenario was that I really didn't catch on. Don't feel as if I'm teasing you, I'm just a little daft." She laughed nervously and started to walk slowly around the large garden. He knew her well. "Lily, don't be nervous. It's me. Don't feel like you have to protect me, if I don't have a chance. Just tell me, things won't be weird." He was following at a slower pace. "See, that's got nothing to do with anything, since I wasn't going to tell you that it was hopeless. I'm just having trouble digesting this. Really, Sirius had been telling me this for years, but I brushed him off too..." she was talking more to herself than to James at this point but he was listening quite attentively.  
  
"So...that doesn't answer anything now does it?" James smiled. "Well, if you must know the truth, then fine. I was sort of hoping that this day would come." She quickened her pace a little, embarrassed at her own bluntness. "I suppose the cat's out of the bag now, hey?" she said. Somehow, James had caught up to Lily, who had reached light speed while walking the garden. He grabbed her hand and stopped her. "You don't even understand how glad I am that it is." He hugged her and before either of them could comment further, they heard something from inside the restaurant that sounded like the crashing of pots and pans. When they got inside, James and Lily found Ana hitting Sirius weakly in the arm as she still clung to him and cried. "Why ::thwap:: did you ::thwap:: have ::thwap:: to grow up ::thwap:: ::thwap:: so fast. ::thwap::" She managed this between sobs and thwaps. Sirius had given up on deflecting them and he just sat, in a chair, holding his mother as she beat his arm meekly. "Come on mum, we are causing a scene. We need to go. See everyone's done. We need to get up early tomorrow." He helped her up and the group walked out with the eyes of every inhabitant of the building on the sobbing woman and the three others. 


	7. chapter seven (I just noticed that I sta...

K, again, for all of you who reviewed, thanks and I apologize for the long long long delay. And you're gonna be mad at me after you read this cuz its just like a transitional chapter. I needed to safely switch from one subject, to another without the story getting all chopped up. Again, sorry. Here you go.  
  
  
They had decided to skip dancing (which the boys were very thankful for) and just head home. It was relatively early when they arrived at the Black residence, yet Ana decided that she wanted to go to bed. No one blamed her since she was so worn out from the weeks activities and she was now so emotionally spent that she needed rest desperately. When Sirius got to his kitchen he noticed that Lily's owl was back and it was accompanied by another owl. It looked as though it were Remus's. Lily took her letter and Sirius took his from Romulus. That was what Remus had named his owl. Apparently Remus was bored out of his mind and wanted to know if he could come hang out with the rest of the gang before they left for the camp tomorrow. Sirius replied with an "of course, but bring your broom and go by floo." Lily's letter was a little different.  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
I understand about your not wanting to come. The fact of the matter is this: I'm in trouble. They don't think I'm responding to my medication the way I should be. They need substantiated proof that I've improved and what better way than by seeing me interact with the person who my aggression was geared towards, right? They say if my medication doesn't produce the desired results soon enough then they're going to have to up my dosage, which means, under the agreement with the courts, my time here will be increased as well. I hate to put this on you, I really do, but I need help and you're the only one who can give it to me. Please let me know your answer as soon as possible.   
  
Thanks,  
Petunia  
  
After reading her letter, Lily folded it back up and brought it to her room. James was still outside at the moment so he couldn't ask any questions. She sat on her bed for a minute trying to straighten things out a little bit. James was interested in her. Petunia wanted to see her. What was going on? Did Petunia really want to see her? Was she just using Lily so she didn't have to get stronger meds? She couldn't wait for tomorrow when the boys left so she could talk to Ana. For the time being though, she would have to put the letter out of her mind and deal with the situation at hand. Speaking of the situation at hand, Sirius had just made his way to her room. "What's up? Who's that from, Petunia?" She shifted uneasily for a moment and tried to sound as if she were ok. "Oh, yah that was her. You know, just talking about the weather and everything, heh." He nodded and went to his room. Soon after this footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. It was either James or Remus and right now Lily was hoping it was the latter. She didn't want James to find out about the letter and since he could read her facial expressions like a book, it was almost inevitable if he came in to talk.   
  
"Hey, what's up?" It was James. "Not much," Lily smiled as he sat down in her desk chair. "So..." he began, trying to fill the void. "Rather eventful night, wouldn't you say?" He was fidgeting with his shirttail, which was somewhat odd due to his outgoing attitude earlier. "What? Are we going to be shy now? James, dear, I think we're a little past that now." Lily smiled at how comfortable she now felt with him since they had both expressed their feelings. "Yah well, I wasn't sure if you were weirded out or what. Remus is coming over." He looked up from his shirt to see Lily staring out the window. "Something wrong?" She snapped out of it and she immediately felt nervous. "No, why do you ask?" It didn't sound like a calm voice and she knew it. James just looked at her curiously, "I don't know, you just...seem a little distant right now I guess. You sure nothing's wrong?" She just smiled and got up. "Yes, I'm sure. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I think that's Remus now." She offered her hand to help him up and they headed downstairs.  
  
The group played a few games of exploding snap and wizard chess before James and Sirius had realized that they had to get up early tomorrow. Remus left, but not before making plans to hang out with Lily during the week and Sirius went to bed. "I guess you should be going to bed soon. You have to get up early and go to quidditch camp." She had forgotten the whole reason why they had gone out to dinner that night right until that point. James would be gone for almost two months. It's not like she couldn't live without him there, she just wished she could spend the summer with her best friend. It seemed as though James had just remembered this as well for his happy mood turned a little less cheerful when she said it. "Oh, yah. I almost forgot. I'm kind of thinking about not going. You know with my potions essays not done and that's my whole summer just gone... And... I'd miss you." He added quickly and waited for a response. She smiled at the sweetness of his intentions, "James, I'm going to miss you too, but Sirius would club you to death with his broom if you ever let this opportunity pass by just for some girl. It won't be that long," she couldn't keep from showing that she didn't even believe her own statement, but she continued, "Besides, we're going to see each other at school for the rest of the year."   
  
About that time the conversation was stopped by Ana, who had gotten up for a drink. "James, that better not be you I see sitting on the couch next to Lily, or I'm going to get your broom and beat you with it. You better be in bed by the time I finish my drink." James just rolled his eyes and said goodnight to Lily. "You sure you don't want me to stay? You're always telling me how important it is to keep up my grades." James pleaded. Lily just smiled and said, "Good night," and with that he kissed her and went to bed. Shortly thereafter, Lily followed his example.  
  
Sleep was only a short interval of days that night and with the blink of an eye Lily was awake again, staring at the white ceiling above her. It was so pure and clean, she wanted to drink it in while the morning rays illuminated it so. She had woken up ten minutes before her alarm was set to go off and for that she was thankful. Being jolted awake to the incessant beeping of a little time devouring monster was not her idea of starting the day on a good note. She breathed deeply as the feelings of summer swept through her. Lily could taste the humidity in the air. It was going to be an oppressive day in more ways than one. Eventually she got up and dressed. Judging by the sounds coming from outside her door, the rest of the household was up. Soon enough there was a knock on the door. "Hey, I was just coming in to see if you were up. What do you want for breakfast? Mum's cooking us some sort of goodbye-meal. She hasn't stopped crying." Sirius was in good spirits, already in his training gear since they were only going to the portkey down the street and then they would be at the field. "My, Sirius, those socks are quite...you." Lily stifled a laugh as she took in the sight that was Sirius's multi colored, striped tube socks. He just grinned proudly. "So what do you want?" "Well, I think some toast would be fine." She breathed in slowly. Ugh, Petunia, she had forgotten. Lily's whole countenance changed within the second of having that thought. "Just toast? Are you ok? It was the letter wasn't it? I didn't want to pry, but Lily, if something is wrong, I'm always here, you know." "I'm fine, just not too hungry at the moment. Trust me, by lunch I'll be starved. I'll be down in a minute." Taking that as his cue to leave, Sirius shut the door behind him.  
  
He was halfway down the stairs when he looked back for a second. Last time she said she was fine, she wasn't. That's all Sirius could remember. He turned his gaze back in front of him where he met James. "Hey, what're you looking at?" "Nothing, I was just thinking if I had left anything upstairs." He couldn't worry James before they left. He knew it was what James really wanted; any reason he could get just to stay with Lily. He would tell his mum...  
  
Breakfast was a very solemn meal for everyone but Sirius. He had been waiting the whole school year for this day and he was almost bursting with anticipation. Lily and Ana were sad to see the boys go. James was sad to leave Lily and Ana. The four of them walked to the portkey together and they said their good-byes. "I'll write you everyday." James promised and sealed it with a kiss. Lily just smiled and made him promise to have fun as well. And so began the two months of emptiness. 


	8. You could be my unintended...

K the song in this chapter (well the lyrics are from Muse - Unintended) you know who everyone else belongs to. Thanks for waiting (if you did), sorry about the delay. I couldn't remember if I had included Peter in this before so I just added him in now for a small, small part. Hope you enjoy. Please tell me what you think. I have a very fragile ego and I need the constant feedback. Thanks to everyone who reviewed before and I love you all.  
  
  
It took Lily a few days before she could bring up Petunia to Ana. It was a difficult subject for her to talk about in general. "Ana, I got another letter from Petunia. I think you should read it before you say anything. I don't know how to deal with this." With that, she handed the paper to Ana and waited. A few moments later Ana looked up. "Lily, you realize that the only way you could go see her is if you wanted to, not because she needs you to get her out of a jam. If they think she needs more medication then they probably know what's best for her. You know what I'm saying?" Ana waited for a response. "I know, but I feel like I'm letting her down or something. She's counting on me. Does that sound screwed up?" Thus the conversation continued for some time but ultimately, Ana had explained that Lily's feelings were normal, but if she didn't want to go, she didn't have to. Lily had decided not to go and see Petunia because she wasn't completely over everything that happened, and she didn't think she was ready.  
  
The next two months dragged slower than any that had ever occurred, not only in Lily's lifetime, but in the history of the world. Though she spent most of the time with Remus, it wasn't as adventurous or carefree. Remus was the logic and reason of the Marauders. Without him the others would either have been killed long ago, or stuck in a lifetime's worth of detentions. When it came to his thinking of things to do though, they were usually on the safer side, and Lily missed the pulse-quickening antics of the Sirius and James. James...she missed him, this was true, but it was different now. She didn't miss him because she had a million things to tell him, or because she was bored without him. She missed his mere presence. She never admitted this to anyone, including herself fully, just because it made her seem and feel so dependent, but it was very true. The letters weren't enough anymore. Add to this the constant mail from Petunia that was so full of understanding for Lily's decision that it made her feel beyond guilty and the rotten, rainy weather. Near the end of the summer it wasn't much of a surprise that Lily had fallen ill with a nagging head cold. In low spirits, she neglected treatment and it worsened to pneumonia. (a/n: I'm not sure if that's how it really happens, if someone can get pneumonia like that, but whatever.) She was bed-ridden for the last week of vacation, if you really wanted to call it that. She didn't tell James of her condition due to the fact that he would probably use it as an excuse to come home, even though she wouldn't have minded it.   
  
The day that the two boys were to come home from training camp, Lily was still rather sick. Pale, clammy, and feverish, Lily was told by Ana, that she had to stay and wait for Sirius and James to return with Ana. James took note of her absence as soon as he straightened himself out from the journey. "Where's Lily? She ok?" Ana, taken slightly aback by his naiveté, related to him Lily's condition. By the time they made their way to the house Sirius and James were worried for her, and James a little upset. Why would he choose to keep things from him? He went up to her room as soon as he set foot in the house and found her sleeping in her bed, much paler and a little thinner than when he had left her. He sat down next to her and just looked at her. A few minutes later she stirred and smiled at him. "Welcome back, how was it?"   
  
"Why didn't you tell me you were sick? And why didn't you tell me about that letter from Petunia?" Ana had also told him about the other goings-on in the household during his absence. "I didn't want to worry you. You deserved a break from my problems. Beside, the medi-wizard said that I should be ok in a few more days. Lousy weather. As for Petunia, I feel as though it's something I should deal with alone. I don't want to burden other people with my problems and I want to be able to work independently on healing from her." Lily sat up in the bed, holding his hand. It was rough and cold from the constant practicing at the camp. His demeanor softened at her touch and he was instantly calmed. "Lily, nothing that ever happens to you is a burden to me. Your problems are my problems too. How long have we known each other and you're still keeping things from me? I wish you would just let me know about stuff that's going on in your life. It's my job to worry about you, as your best friend and your boyfriend."   
  
Looking up into his face, Lily realized that James was the only person she could ever truly be comfortable telling these things to. She hated putting the load on his shoulders all of the time but if she didn't tell him, it made him feel like she didn't completely trust him and she knew this. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you." She said as she went in to hug him. She eventually started to tell him everything she felt and said and thought while he was gone. When she was done, it was his turn and that's how they spent the rest of the day. Sirius and Ana figured that they had a lot of catching up to do and took the rest of the day to catch up themselves and relive tails from camp, that Sirius had told. The few and precious days left before school started up again were sunny and warm. As the weather abruptly changed, so did Lily's health and mood. The color in her cheeks rose again and she was Lily once more. Not the greatest way to end the summer, but a wonderful way to begin their next school year.  
  
Just as she had felt at the beginning of the summer, so she had at the end. The sun poured into her now open shades and gently woke Lily from her wonderfully whole sleep. It was one of those sleeps where you woke up and all was right with the world and the first stretch in the morning was better than any feeling one could ever experience. After that life-altering stretch, she rose from her bed and turned her radio on softly. Life was good again, just like it should always be. She had an hour before the others usually woke up, so she decided to go for a walk. After adjusting to the gorgeously neon skies and sparkling pavement, Lily took a deep breath. The air was sweet enough to drink and the last dying embers of the fire of freedom were gloriously illuminated in the sky. Today was just one of those days.  
  
After returning from a very refreshing walk, Lily found an unexpected visitor at the door. "Uh, Vernon, hi. May I ask, what are you doing here?" Lily was a little taken aback to see how much Vernon had grown around the waist since she last saw him. "Lily I came on behalf of my beloved wife. She asked me to personally deliver this and wait for your response." The letter clutched in his piggy hoof was on muggle paper, in a muggle pen. She must be out.   
  
Dear Lily,   
  
No thanks to you, my dear sister, I was able to turn myself around and with proper supervision I'm allowed to come home and live with Vernon. Yes, I am bitter, and I do still blame you for our parents' deaths, but I fully realize these facts, and knowing is half the battle. I'm going to therapy twice a week and am required to let you know how I'm doing once a month for the next year. After which, they get to decide whether or not I am fit for social interaction on my own. I've come to grips with my anger, Lily and found that what I did was heinous and wrong. Though I do still feel resentment, I understand that my behavior was psychotic and unruly. Don't expect anything closer to a genuine apology than this letter. Now, if all has gone according to plan, Vernon should be waiting by your side as you read this. I have one thing to ask of you, one final thing. After this year is up, I am almost certain that I will be reintroduced into society as a fully participating member. I would appreciate it if you would cut all and any ties with my family and me after the appointed year. My letters from now until then will be short and informative, nothing more. Please let Vernon know your answer soon so that I can plan accordingly.  
  
Thanks,  
Petunia  
  
"So, those letters from before, they were all-"  
"Sugar-coated. You don't actually think she could send you letters with what she was really thinking?" Vernon stood impatiently eyeing the sixteen-year-old girl in front of him. "I see," was all that she could say. She wasn't as upset as she had thought she would be. Deep down she knew that Petunia's sudden change of heart couldn't be that true. "Vernon, please inform your wife, that I will comply with her request and ask that she reciprocate it. Thank you." He nodded and went on his way. Though Lily would miss her sister, she didn't feel as though she was losing anyone who was particularly close to her. She walked through the threshold to find James sitting on the stairs leading to the second floor. "You ok?" he had heard everything.  
  
"Yah, I'm fine, and strangely enough, I really think that I am. Should I be more upset?" Lily's look of confusion somewhat convinced James that she might not be so upset. "I think maybe you're just starting to realize that Petunia will always be...Petunia. You know what I mean? She may have seemed as though she changed but as soon as she had asked you to go and visit, I knew something was up. As long as you've known her, she's always had a hidden agenda. I hate to say it, but it's true. She only looks out for herself." There was a silence of contemplation and then Lily just nodded and went inside. James was right. He knew it. She knew it. But acknowledging this fact was hard. Petunia was a psychotic, selfish brat who would stop at nothing for the perfect life.  
  
James followed her closely, now being paranoid of ever leaving her alone in a tough spot. Once she accepted what the truth really was, she would be fine. He hoped she would be fine. When he reached the chair that she had sat herself in, he saw that she was not crying. Nor was she frowning, or looking, in the least, dejected-just, very thoughtful. "You sure you're ok?" At this Lily just roller her eyes and answered, "Yes, mom, I'm ok. Seriously, I am. Ok? Don't worry. Anyway, I think that, with the start of the new school year and all, I'm going to start over. From this moment on, Petunia no longer concerns me. Yes, she's my sister still, I would never disown her, but she's more like an estranged relative to me. Family only by blood. Sound good?" She smiled and waited. "Well, I think that it's a great idea, but I think it's going to be a lot harder than it seems. But, hey, why not give it a try." Lily got up and gave him a hug. Then she went to get dressed for their first day back.  
  
Like the leaves of autumn turning from green to red or brown in the blink of an eye, so went the first semester of school for the gaggle of teenagers with whom this story is concerned. This year especially seemed to fly by. Maybe it was the fact that everyone was dealing with quasi-normal problems, like potions homework and the occasional prank gone awry, instead of self-metamorphosing adolescent and family problems. Maybe it was the fact that Lily and James were finally in full recognition of their feelings and they could stop being so angsty all of the time. Maybe it was just a fast year. Whatever the reason, no one could really remember what had happened during the first few months of school, nor did they care. Things were going well, why spoil it. Sirius had finally found out how to become an animagus and he was going to do it with James and another friend of Remus's who had found out that he was a werewolf, Peter Pettigrew. Both Lily and James were up for head girl and boy the next year. As it was they were all ready prefects. The marauders were meeting their prank quota. Most importantly, Lily and Petunia were no longer part of one another's lives. They could each go on with their lives knowing that the separation was mutually agreed upon. Things were going well, why spoil it?  
  
The door to the sixth year girls' dorm was shut tightly early on a chilly March morning. It must've been four a.m. From inside one could hear the muffle song of one of its inhabitants. Lily stood at the window next to her bed. Seventeen. Did this make her a woman? An adult? Was she recognized as an empowered and informed member of society? Her thoughts were interrupted by the rapping of a pale brown barn owl at another window. When she opened the window she discovered a small package and a note tied to its leg.   
  
Dear Lily,  
  
Happy Birthday love. I hope you find yourself in good spirits when you receive this because I really want you to open in it the correct state of mind. I mailed it rather early since today is a big quidditch game and I didn't want to wake you before I left for practice. Let me know what you think.   
  
Love always,  
James  
  
"Why would I need to find myself in good spirits when I open this?" was all that crossed Lily's mind as she delicately unwrapped the faintly blue colored fabric that covered this small package. A lot of care was taken in wrapping it because it was painstakingly perfect. She felt bad taking apart such a beautiful package. After peeling away the first layer ever so daintily, she was faced with an embroidered box with colorful birds and flowers on it. If this was her present it was absolutely gorgeous and she would have to thank James repeatedly for such an exquisite, and she was guessing imported, specimen. As though her question was answered, when she moved the box something inside moved too, so this couldn't be all of it. What she did find was even more amazing than the keepsake box.   
  
A brilliantly cut, diamond, emerald, and ruby ring stared her in the face. It was a promise ring, in the shape of a Lily. Scrolled along the inside of the ring were the words, "You could be unintended choice to live my life extended." The words brought a smile and tears as she and James had previously found that these were lyrics from their favorite song. Alongside the ring was a small scroll.  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
By now you've decided what you want. This promise ring serves two purposes. One is to show you that my promise to you is real. The other is to ask for your permission to hang out with you for the rest of our lives. You know what I mean, and I'm totally serious. I've never felt like this about anyone and I've known how I've felt since we were both eleven. I knew this day would come and I've been waiting for the right time to make it happen. Let me know. Happy Birthday darling.  
  
James  
  
Seventeen. Who knows what the coming years would bring? The question that she was faced with was, more importantly, would she want to spend those years to come with James? When she had risen that morning, she felt like she was no longer a child. She felt confident and wise and older. She now realized how very young and inexperienced she was. This question wasn't asked to seventeen-year-old girls. Dilemmas like these don't present themselves to girls like her. It was too good to be, too surreal. She would never end up with a strong, caring guy like James. Would she?  
  
The pitch was a little damn today, meaning that any falls or crashes wouldn't be so hard. It warmed up a little and the sun was streaming brightly across the sky. Today was going to be a great match. James knew this for a fact since they were playing Ravenclaw. The two had been waiting most of the year to face each other. They were tied for the most house cup and for the quidditch cup. Due to a rather hefty storm on the night of one of their matches, they had not yet faced each other. Today was to be an interesting match. Looking up in the stands, James saw that people were starting to gather. It must be around ten now. He and his team had been there since eight stretching and going over plays. The whole team was rather confident in their ability and felt that they would provide for adequate competition for the Ravenclaws. While waiting for the match to begin, the Gryffindors had a good fifteen minutes to spare before the match was to start. James scanned the crowd on his broom and immediately his gaze fell upon a figure at the top of the stands whose appearance only stood out from the rest of the gold and red drones because of her beautiful red hair. When this red-headed spectator spotted James she promptly stood and dug out a sign from at her side. She unfolded it and held it up high for the world to see. Even if they didn't really understand it, the world could see it. It read in bold, black letters: "I'll be there as soon as I can, but I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before." James smiled and went in to the stands. "So is that a yes?" he said as he sat down next to her. "Of course James darling, I just hope we don't rush into anything. But for the time being I would love to hang out with you for the rest of our lives." At that James jumped up and hugged her tight. Needless to say, the game was won by Gryffindor with a spread of nearly two hundred points. 


	9. Like sand through the hourglass, so are ...

A/n: ok ok, I know its been forever and I'm sorry for the long long long delay. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and pushed me to put another chapter out. I've been kinda sick and kinda busy. And please don't kill me cuz this is really short...  
  
  
Things were going too quickly. Last week, Lily felt like a woman, independent, confident, loved, and ready to face anything. Now there sat a semblance of this audacious auburn-haired goddess at a table in the back of the common room, tear-stained, frantic, barren of anything less than vapid small talk. How did this come about? When did she go wrong? What happened to the fiery woman ready to conquer the world? Reality happened. Ever since she agreed to James's proposal, it was all she could think about. Naturally she didn't do as well as she had liked on her NEWTS (though her marks were of the highest five in the school) and this troubled her immensely. After the exams she was snappish and crabby to everyone. It just so happened that James was the first to cross the line of fire. After all, he's the reason she did so poorly on her tests, why shouldn't he get the bulk of her anger. Well that's how she felt until after they had a terrible row earlier that morning. Thinking it over, she realized that her anger was slightly misdirected. It was too late now. Things were said that couldn't be taken away. The engagement was assumed to be off. What had she done? So now, the vacant cavity in which Lily's spirit once resided sat alone in the common room mulling over the point where she went wrong.  
  
Meanwhile on the pitch some fifty yards away a very animated James was pacing in his tracks, brooding over the quarrel. She had no right to say some of the things she said...But then again, he definitely should have held his tongue a few times. She was under a lot of stress. But it was wrong of her to put the blame on him, when her grades were still top notch. Maybe she was just venting and he was the one she did it with. After an eternity of pensive silence, he decided that whatever the underlying problem was, they would be able to work through it because he loved her no matter what and he knew that her anger was not toward him.  
  
"So...he just ...left?" Sirius was sitting next to Lily, trying to get some sort of story from her. "O Sirius, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Looking back at what I said I wouldn't be surprised if he honestly didn't want to marry me." She sunk her head back into her hands, realizing the weight of her actions. "Aw, come on Lily, don't say that. James loves you no matter what. He'd still want to marry you if you had decided to get him castrated after the first child." Try as he might to get some sort of emotion besides guilt from her, she just shook her head. "Now's not the time to be funny, Sirius-" Just as she was going to finish in walked the subject of their conversation. He didn't noticed Lily and Sirius huddled in the corner at first, but as soon as he saw them, he stopped in his tracks and his expression seemed to take on an almost...grave appearance? What could this mean? Lily had really done it now...  
  
"Sirius, can I talk with Lily for a second?" James said as he nodded for Sirius to go upstairs. "No prob, prongs, just watch you're Jacobs, this one doesn't mess around." Yet again, his humorous approach to life was left unappreciated as he retreated upstairs. "I have something that I need to say before we start." James began. Lily gulped and he continued, "I love you, and I understand that you're upset about something, but some of the things you said were completely out of line. I apologize for some of the things I said, because I too got caught up in the moment. Lily, I know you're mad that you didn't do as well on your exams as you had hoped. And I'm sorry that you think your marks aren't good, because I think they're awfully good, considering only four other people in the school beat you. That gives you no right to go about saying things like you did. If you're angry, you need to tell me. At least give me a warning, so I know when to stay away." He smiled slightly at her. This wasn't at all what she had thought he was going to say, but she didn't mind the surprise.   
  
"James, I know, and I'm sorry. I regretted saying some of those things as soon as they had left my mouth. I really was just upset and uptight about my marks and the whole week has been one big stressful event. I guess I just hit a boiling point today. I'm so sorry. You only said what you did in retaliation." As she was talking he sat down on the arm of the chair and stroked her head. "Uhm...another thing, James...We're only seventeen. I'm not even out of Hogwart's and I'm engaged. It's a scary thought. I don't even know what I want to go into when I leave school. Do I want to further my schooling, do I want a job at the ministry? How do I know if I'm ready to get married?" James stopped petting her head and just stared almost in disbelief. "I mean, don't get me wrong, James I do love you. I love you so much. But I feel like...I need to straighten myself out before I can try and straighten out our problems. Maybe we should just hold off on the engagement..." She looked up meekly hoping to see a better result than she did. James's face had lost all color and his eyes were glazed over.   
  
"Lily, the whole point of being engaged is so that we know that we are together, but we don't have to get married until you feel ready. It's not a given that you and I will get married as soon as we leave Hogwart's. It's not to make you feel pressured. And part of being in a relationship is so that I can help you straighten things out along the way. You shouldn't have to go through everything alone. I can understand if there are some things you want to handle by yourself, but some things are too big to take on by yourself and that's why I'm here." He started to stroke her head again. "I know, but when I think to myself 'I, Lily Evans, am engaged.' It just seems so grown-up to me. Too grown-up. I'm not an adult. A lot of people would say that we don't know what love is. Maybe they're right. Maybe by this time next year, we will have found that we can't stand each other. You never know James. Can we just say that this never was an engagement ring? Just a promise ring. That's all." She looked at his contemplative countenance for a few seconds and finally he spoke. "If that's what you want Lily. We can wait. I have no doubt in my mind that I'll want to marry you by the end of next year, but if you feel this is too much for right now, then we can take it down a notch." She smiled in relief and gave him a huge hug. "I do love you James. I hope you know that."   
  
"Of course I do."   
  
They sat in the armchair for the rest of the day, talking, thinking, napping in each other's arms. It was a very restful day after a truly stressful week. In a way it set the tone for the rest of the term and for the summer. Sirius and Remus were a bit disappointed by Lily's cold feet, but nonetheless they knew, as James did, that the two of them belonged together. There was no question in anyone's mind really.   
  
The summer was spent in a hazy lull of relaxation. Lily even got to the point in summer break where you forget what day it is. She had never felt so carefree and whole in her life. She was with her friends, with Ana and with James. Maybe she was ready for engagement. The whole prospect scared her to death at first. The thought of her being old enough to get married didn't see right at all. She had always considered herself a child. A babe in the eyes of the world, not knowing what exactly love meant just yet. Could she really know? She was still so young. She knew, though, that she and James were meant for each other. But still a voice in the back of her head kept asking the question, "What if you grow apart? You aren't done growing up just yet." And this was too true for Lily to ignore which is why she ultimately declined the proposal for now. 


	10. Is this it?

A/N: hi all, I think this is gonna be the last chapter. Let me know if I should do one more or if that's just pushing the proverbial envelope. It's been a great run, thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate the support and criticisms. I really liked writing this fic and I hope you enjoyed reading it. I feel like I just gave birth and gave it up for adoption. O god! ENS!!! ::weeps:: Why god! LoL. Let me know what you think. K?  
  
"Here we are again. The last time ever riding back to Hogwart's. Everyone take it in." Lily was looking around her. To her right, a window with a gorgeous scenic view of the surrounding countryside. To her immediate left, her wonderful, adoring, cute, smart, funny, sweet boyfriend and best friend, who she loved more than she, herself thought was possible. By the summer's end, Lily had come to realize that James was definitely going to be with her for the rest of her life. Yes, she still thought herself too young for marriage, but that didn't mean that she was too young to embrace something that could quite possibly turn out to be the best thing in her life. To her far left, one of her best friends, funny, smart, and a lady's man, Sirius was making a face at Remus when he noticed Lily studying him. He realized how very childish he must've looked and stopped. "Heh, you caught that one huh?" He looked down with a stupid grin on his face. Remus just sat in laughter. "O, Padfoot, don't change. Ever. No matter what situation, you will always be considered comic relief." Everyone chuckled. The ride went smoothly enough after that. Around the time they reached the station, it was drizzling, though it was still very warm out.   
  
The four got off of the train and headed for carriages. They knew the route to the school like the back of their hands. They could've walked it blind-folded. But after this last time, they wouldn't need to. The thought was immobilizing at times, and completely intoxicating at others. They would be able to decide their own futures, write their own stories, do what they really wanted to. But they would also be on their own. They wouldn't have the safe haven of Hogwart's to rely on in a world full of rising dark forces. This thought never had the effect on James that it had on others though. He always felt that if he had someone to go through it all with, he would be able to take on anything. The fact that he found that someone, gave him a feeling of invincibility.  
  
The start-of-term feast was slightly different for the group due to the fact that Head Boy and Girl were titles that were within reach for two of them. Surprisingly enough, only one got it though. "Congratulations!" Was all that was heard around the table as James headed up to receive his badge. "Wait, wait, Lily didn't get called up." Sirius was standing now and thinking aloud. "Hang about, that's not quite right. OY! Professor Dumbledore! You didn't call Lily Evans as Head Girl!" Sirius waited for the mistake to be corrected but much to his, and everyone's surprise, Dumbledore's reply was quite the opposite. "I'm sorry Mr. Black, but the fact of the matter is, while Ms. Evans is a wonderful student, athlete, and all-around girl, she was beat out of the position." With this said, Sirius walked over to the faculty table and spoke privately with Dumbledore for a few minutes.  
  
"Now you're not telling me that there is someone who deserves it more than Lily are you?" Sirius tried hard not to glare. "Sirius, Lily does deserve this honor, very much so, but the deciding factors in its recipient were that her marks were better on the NEWTS last year. And this isn't only my opinion, but that of the rest of the faculty. Miss Evans has been through quite a bit during her time here. She needs to relax. She doesn't need the extra weight of this duty put on her."  
  
"Well, with all due respect sir, I think that's a bunch of bullocks. In her time here, Lily has gone through quite a bit, but has she not maintained impeccable attendance, marks, attitude toward others, service, sportsmanship? She has gone above and beyond before and I think that should qualify her more than anyone else that you pick for this position. Besides, James will do something stupid and try to give up his position so she doesn't feel bad if you don't make her head girl." This was a likelihood and Dumbledore knew that. "Sirius, you would make an excellent attorney. I believe you've swayed my decision as to who gets this honor. You may sit with the rest of the Gryffindors and await the announcement." With that, Sirius grinned, thanked the old professor and practically skipped back to his seat.   
  
"Sirius, I hope you didn't get yourself in trouble. I mean, it's no big deal if I don't get Head Girl, really. The fact that you actually got up and protested it was really unexpected. Thanks for your vote of confidence and all, but ..." Lily continued talking for a few minutes as the teachers huddled around the headmaster in discussion. After a few minutes, Dumbledore turned around and faced the assembly. "Ahem..." he waited for silence, but not too long because everyone wanted to hear the decision. "It has come to my attention that we didn't take into account some of our prefect girls' ...err...extracurricular...activities." He glanced over at Sirius and winked. Sirius nodded and smiled. "It seems as though we've forgotten that there are multiple aspects to this award besides good marks and athleticism. One needs to take into account how the recipient responds to adversity. Now, my colleagues and I have come to a point where a popular vote is needed. We can't seem to decide amongst ourselves. I'm going to give you all a choice between two girls, and I would like to hear your opinion. Our first candidate is of Ravenclaw, Nina Gretchen." There was a loud applause after the name was said. Very loud. She got great marks last year. Second only to James. She was nice too. There was a very good chance that she would win. Count on Sirius to lighten the mood. "O, give me a break, she has two first names for crying out loud." Lily giggled at this realization.   
  
Soon the applause died down and silence fell upon the hall. "Our second candidate, from Gryffindor, Lily Evans." Lily blushed at the recognition and just sat there, waving shyly. Have you ever been in a room that echoed so much, if a sound was loud enough, it was deafening? As soon as the word "Evans" had left Dumbledore's lips that is was the Great Hall sounded like. Lily had no idea of the impact she had on people's lives. She saw James standing up with the teachers clapping as hard as he could, Sirius next to her on the table jumping up and down like a mad man. Even Remus was whooping particularly loudly. What really stunned her was that when she looked across at the other tables, she saw that the majority of the room was standing and clapping for her. Ludo Bagman was standing on the table, just like Sirius, jumping around like an idiot. Even Nina Gretchen was clapping and smiling at Lily.  
  
Waiting a few moments to let the accolades die down, Dumbledore stood again and began, "Well, I think it's safe to say who the new Head Girl is. I couldn't have picked it better myself. Let's all thank Sirius Black for reintroducing her into the candidacy." Everyone clapped and Sirius, being hyper from his previous table antics, climbed up on it once more and did a quick jig for his audience. "Ah yes, always the entertainer, thank you Sirius. Now, without further ado, Ms. Evans, if you would be so kind as to join the Head Boy up here." Everyone applauded again and Lily made her way up to the faculty table. She got her pin and stood in front of the rest of the school, looking over a small sea of people who were smiling and cheering. "It's all for you." James was smiling at her. "You too, don't forget that you did make Head Boy, silly." She couldn't have smiled more if her life depended on it. "Yah, but I'm not the most beloved person in the room right now. Lily, I don't think you realize how much people respect you and value you." He slipped his hand into hers and they stood there for a little while as Dumbledore made a few more announcements, after which they went to join the rest of their friends to celebrate and eat. The rest of the day was spent in a daze for Lily and James for the most part. They were both so happy about their newly bestowed honors. Though it was a blissful start of term, the rest of the term couldn't be described the same. The new positions meant loads more of work. Lily and James had to look and play the part of the Hogwart's poster kids. Model students, exemplary athletes, and good showmanship. It was all very exhausting and time consuming. Though they were together a lot, James and Lily barely breathed a word to each other that didn't regard school functions, grades, classes or something related to the facility.   
  
Months flew by without either of them noticing how little time they had left in their second home. Until one day, Lily looked up from her Ancient Runes essay. It was five thirty in the morning. She had pulled another all-nighter. There, sitting across from her in an armchair near the fire, was James. No matter how late she stayed up, he was always there with her and she him. He was snoozing softly as the glowing rays crept through the common room and landed lightly on his face. "Just think, you get to wake up next to that for the rest of your life." "What are you doing up so early Padfoot?" Sirius was yawning and stretching. "Well, seeing as neither of you decided to go to bed last night, I woke up to find James' bed empty. I figured you were down here and I thought I ought to let you know, that it's Saturday, so you don't go killing yourselves. Aww, little Jay. What time did he pass out?" Sirius was leaning against the back of the armchair Lily was in. "To tell you the truth I really don't know. I just looked at the clock now. The last time I looked at it, it was 2:15 I think. But I'm done. I've completed all of the weekend's work. I've done everything I needed to." She heaved a huge sigh, which consequently woke James up. He stretched like a cat and looked around, bleary-eyed. "What time is it? Are we gonna be late for class?" He was only half awake and he was asking about class, very un-prongslike. "James, hun, it's Saturday. You can go sleep upstairs." Lily was now kneeling at his side speaking softly into his ear. "O, thank god. I think I will. Hey you wanna come with." He winked and she laughed her wonderful, musical laughter that he hadn't heard in ages. "I dunno, give me some time to think about it." She smiled slyly. "Aww screw waiting for an answer. I need sleep dear. I'm off to bed,' he joked, kissed her forehead, got up and left.   
  
"Bed sounds awfully good right about now. I think I will be heading up there. See you later Sirius." She thought she had gotten away with it, but she had underestimated Sirius's ability to remember things. "Hey, where do you think you are going on your birthday? Come now Lily, what kind of friend would I be if I let you do what you wanted on your birthday? Seriously. Now, let's go eat some breakfast and then maybe, I'll think about letting you go to sleep." He smiled and took her arm, leading her to the great hall in yesterday's clothes. It was a sweet gesture, but if Lily didn't get sleep soon, she was sure to mistake her sausage for a pillow. When she got down there she realized how hungry she really was though and she was thankful for his making her go. When they got back to the common room Sirius gave her a little present and a card. She opened the card first. It was blank inside except for Sirius's own thoughts.   
  
Dear Lils,  
  
Hope you have a great birthday. Just wanted to say how much of a great friend you've been and how proud I am of you. I'm also very happy to see that you and James finally saw what everyone else had seen for years. Don't screw that up. I don't mean to nag you in your own birthday card, but I'm gonna. I love you and you've been like a sister to me. Thanks for everything and happy birthday.  
  
Love,  
Sirius  
  
She looked up with tears in her eyes. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't slept in over 30 hours and tears came so easily after that, or maybe it was just that the card was really sweet. He smiled, "Open it." She did as she was told. Inside the little package was a little glass ball. "Aww hey! It's a remembrall how could you have possibly remembered that I had said I wanted one? That was ages ago! Thank you!" She gave him a big hug. Despite the great gift, she felt sleep was more important though and decided to continue this joyous occasion on a later day.  
  
Though when she did wake up, it was still Saturday, just very late in the day. Late enough for her to be hungry again. She saw that it was around 7:30 p.m. now and she was quite famished. The dorm was dark, but she could still feel someone lying next to her. "Why hello. When did you wake up?" She tried to start a conversation with him, but James was fast asleep in her bed. "Ah well, for the best I suppose." With that she got up noiselessly, and went down to get some food. She came back a few minutes later and found him still sleeping in the same position as when she had left. She climbed back into her covers and cuddled up next to him. He stirred, but didn't wake. He only just moved to his side and put his arm around Lily, as if he knew to do so by instinct. Slowly she drifted off to sleep again, but not for long as she had already slept for such a long period of time. They both had. About an hour later James awoke to find Lily in his arms, a smile on her face. He smiled and stroked her hair. This woke her and she turned to face him. "Well, hello sleepy head." She said inbetween a yawn. "I should say the same to you. What time is it now?...half past eight. See at least I woke up long enough to come in here and fall asleep again." He grinned. "Well I went to sleep later than you and I woke up and hour ago to get food." She pushed him slightly and he teetered on the edge of the twin mattress. "Hey, hey now that's not funny." He pulled himself back up to stability again. Lily got up, "sure it is. Now if you had fallen I would've been obliged to say aww, poor baby and give you sympathy. But since you didn't quite fall, I can still laugh." "Alright then. If those are the rules. O by the way, happy birthday." She looked over and smiled sweetly from her dresser. "Why thank you very much. It just makes me realize how little time is left before we're out of this place." She stopped looking for socks and stood in a contemplative state. "I know, but it also makes you realize how much more of the world we can see. How much we can do once we've graduated. We can really make a difference Lily. We could help to bring down the terrible dark reign." Now was James's turn to sit in reflection. "Hold that thought. I'll be right back." And with that Lily disappeared into the bath for a good ten minutes before reappearing freshly showered and in a new pair of pajamas.   
  
"The way I see it, it's already night time you know? Why put clean clothes on for a few hours?" She flopped down on the bed next to hers facing James. He was flipping through a magazine that was on Lily's dorm-mate's nightstand. "Well, I don't care what you wear, you're always gorgeous to me. However, I think the people at the three broomsticks might give you funny looks if you show up in ...ducky? Pajamas. You better hurry, I did make reservations for 10." He continued to flip through the magazine, trying to act as if he thought it all so mundane. "Why you little sneak." She threw a pillow at him playfully. His excellent quidditch skills paid off as he was able to dodge it. She heaved a heavy sigh and disappearred once more into the bathroom. This time James called from outside and told her he would be waiting downstairs. She dressed and made her way to the common room. Strangely enough, he was the only one there at ten on a Saturday.   
  
"James, you didn't have to do this. We could've just grabbed something from the house elves if you were hungry. What money do you have to spend anyway?" Lily questioned as they made there way through the secret passage to Hogsmeade. They ended up in the infamous "Shrieking Shack" where Remus had his monthly appointments. From there they walked to the Three Broomsticks. All the way down the street you could see that it was rather crowded, even for a Saturday night. When they reached the pub, you could see that the whole of the Gryffindor house was there! Every last underclassmen. There wasn't even room to breathe. Somehow Madame Rosmerta found them and led them through the crowd to a table in the back where Remus, and Sirius sat, waiting for their friends. "Hey guys! Have a good cat nap?" Sirius was winking and smiling. Neither James nor Lily paid him any attention though. "You guys didn't have to do this for me! A simple 'Happy Birthday' or card would've done fine." Before any of them could reply, Ludo was standing atop the bar. He tapped his throw and muttered something. Then, when he spoke, "CAN I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION!!! THE GUEST OF HONOR IS HERE!!" He tapped his throat again and climbed down. Everyone started to sing "Happy Birthday" loud and off-key but it was funny nonetheless. Everyone came over and told her individually and a lot of people gave her presents. A few hours later, the place was pretty emptied. This was due to the fact that people didn't want to get in too much trouble and that they had to gradually wane the numbers in the bar so that it wasn't just like a mass of kids coming from behind the old witch's hump in the castle.   
  
"Guys, I want to thank you so much. This was so wonderful. I mean you really didn't have to, but it was so wonderful of you to do it anyway." She gave Remus and Sirius hugs and turned to James, "I mean it, thank you." She hugged him for a long time. "Well I didn't give you my present yet." Was all he said. At that moment Remus and Sirius both mumbled some poor excuse to leave and they headed out of the bar. "Lily, now I know how you felt before, and I know it's a long shot that over the course of a year you've changed your mind but, I just want you to know that I am serious about this." And with that James pulled a small box out of his pocket. Lily's pulse quickened. She knew what was coming. She had a feeling when Sirius and Remus left. Still she had no idea how to answer. He opened the box and inside was the most exquisite diamond engagement ring Lily had ever seen. It must've cost a fortune. It was truly breathtaking. "James, I...where did you get that? That's not real is it? You shouldn't be spending money like that on me." Lily was talking rather quickly, trying to match her heart rate. "Don't worry, it was my mother's, and my father's mother's before her, and so on." Wow, James was really serious about marrying Lily. She realized this now and for some reason, it didn't scare her anymore, it was almost reassuring. It was a great feeling to know that someone would love her no matter what she did. She knew her answer now.   
  
"James, I love you and I would love to marry you." Not ready for such an easy victory, James was a little take aback. He had prepared a little opening statement. He was determined to have her see that it's not that big a step. Now all that work, all that preparation, he didn't even need it. "Aww, I had a whole speech planned out, for when you said no." He feigned disappointment and went in to hug her. "I love you Lily. You don't need to be afraid of being engaged. We don't have to marry until you're ready, ok?" she loved that he was so understanding, but she didn't feel scared at all. She was actually elated that she would be spending the rest of her life with someone she cared so much about.  
  
Meanwhile, peering through the dim windows of the pub were tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum. When they saw Lily except the ring they both hopped up and down like goofballs and danced around. Then they stopped and Sirius dusted his shirt, "I believe our job here is done. I think we should go." And with that they turned and walked away. Lily and James sat in the pub for another hour before they decided that they'd better go back. So they walked along the street lamps, zigzagging through the lights until they reached the shrieking shack and went back to school.   
  
Despite the fact that they had slept all day, they still were tired, so each had decided to go catch up on sleep. It would be a while before they could ever sleep this much again. After March comes April, then May and that's when the seventh years take their exams. Since Lily had been studying extra hard throughout the year, she felt that the exams were a piece of cake and she wasn't very stressed out at all. She received top marks, as usual, along with James and the two of them graduated with honors. James was to give a speech at their graduation. Something he wasn't so great at, but he made his way through it, and all and all it wasn't such a bad speech. Delivering it would be the easy part.  
  
Graduation came all too fast for everyone. So many people would, in all likelihood, never be seen again. Emotions were running high and people were crying at the drop of a hat. The one thought that keep coming back into Lily's head was how thankful she was that she wouldn't have to go through that with James. She didn't know about Sirius or Remus. She assumed that she would see Sirius quite a bit, at least until she got her own apartment. Since Remus lived in Whales to begin with, she feared that they would keep in touch less. It was a hot day and everyone was so glad when James finally got up to give the speech. He was the last of the speakers and after this they handed out licenses, certifying each member of the graduating class as a full-fledged witch or wizard. James stood up and swallowed hard. He was hot, tired and parched.   
  
"With the world in the condition it is in today, it's not hard to see why a newly certified wizard would be afraid to jump in. But that's just it, many innocent people have died because so many decided not to jump in. Here we are. Now's our chance. We can make a difference, despite the fact that you are only one person. This is true, but together, we are a group of intelligent, brave people who can go anywhere if we really wanted to. The decision is yours. You've come this far, why stop now?"   
  
No one had expected such a short, inspirational speech. It took a second, but the clapping was tumultuous in the end and everyone was very proud of James. He bowed and took a seat. This was the mark that closed a large, important chapter in his life. But it opened a new, exciting, unknown one that he couldn't wait to start with his fiancée. Life was wide open for his exploration and he was all for jumping in.  
  
  
  
A/N: I know, I know, lame ass, but I don't care. I didn't want to end it with one of those Hollywood shots of James and Lily kissing as everyone is throwing their graduation caps up and the camera widens with some corny ass pop rock. LoL. I feel empty...I have nothing to write now...Ah well... maybe I should consider leaving the computer for a little while...::ponders:: hmmm... 


End file.
